Faith and Action

“Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead” (James 2:17; NIV)

I came upon the above Bible quote on Twitter, and it got me thinking about the church and an activity that I have been involved in with over the last few months.

I am in a congregation that is really dead, and the diocese needs to force to convert into a mission. Week after week Faith is talked about, but when it comes to action it really fails, which is sad. I find a number of times the clergy person doesn't practice what is preached. Tells on one thing, than does the complete opposite. The Clergy person does not support those who wish to do something, unless it is something that benefits him, but let me get to talking about Faith and Action.

I think that Faith is something that is easy for anyone to have, and in reality we all have Faith. Think about it, I am sure that you can't think of a single person in the world who has Faith in one way or another. Really, think about it. We get into a car or plane to go somewhere, and we have Faith that we will arrive to our destination safely. We put food into our mouth to eat, and we have faith that it will not kill us. We have Faith in so many many things, so to say that we don't have Faith is something that we really can't say.

But Faith without action in many things is truly dead. In this diocese we have a thing that we call Area Ministry. Now trying to really describe what Area Ministry is is difficult, as if you were to ask 10 people what it is, they will all tell you different things for the most part. But yet it works in a way that everyone does it and doesn't really realize it. It's not just a Christian thing to do, it's a human thing to do.

Several years ago when Area Ministry was first brought out to the people, someone from another congregation here contacted me and invited me to a series of events that her parish was doing, and they wanted it to be the beginning of the two congregations doing Area Ministry together. Now in the congregation I am in, the words Area Ministry had not been mentioned at all, but I was aware of it in the diocese. During the announcements the following Sunday, I stood before the people and spoke about what had been asked of me and extended the invitation. Well, the only person to go was myself. An idea was brought up in that all of the vestries of the congregations in Oakland should get together. About 7 months later, after I had mentioned what had been brought up the pastor of my congregation used the words “Area Ministry” to the congregation. Finally, after all of this time he bothered to mention it. It was desided to get the vestries together. All fo the vestries did, and Area Ministry was the topic, and it was decided that it was something that we were going to do. Sadly after 4 or 5 meetings, things fell apart. The Faith was there to do it, but there was no Action.

About two months ago I got an e-mail from a friend of mine at another congregation asking me if I would be interested in joining with some other people from different congregations in getting involved in doing some work within the community. After watching what had happened with the Area Ministry, I had my doubts about it working, but something in my told me to have Faith as Actions would occur.

About 8 of us gathered and spent some time talking. We spoke about the different ministires that each of our congregations were doing, and the indivisual ministries that we were doing. The something happened, and we came up with Actions. Not only had we decided upon things that we were going to do and get involved with, but a commitment to action had occurred.

Not only had the commitment to actions occurred, but things have actually taken place, with the one that most people in the congregations knowing about lunches being made and passed out to the Day Workers in an area here in Oakland. It's not only lunches, but the rector of St. Paul's has written notes that were included, but things like sock and hand santizers were also.

It's amazing the things that occur when we put our faith into action. I remember listening to someone who is now a Deacon in the church talk about a jail ministry he was involved in. He talked about it's beginnings and the stuggle, then he told a story which was just amazing. Him and others would go to the city jail several times a month with tape recorders, children's books and envelopes. They would sit with women who are parents of small children and the parent would read the story into the story. The book and the tape would be put into an envelope and tehn sent to the child. There was a woman who would never come into the room, but would watch. After watching a few times, she came in and did one. Nobody had bothered to come and visit her, as it was a cultural thing in her culture not to visit even ones family who was in jail, but she finally went about the action of doing one. Her child got the package, and the family sat together and listened to it. it became a thing to do whenever one would arrive, where the family would have dinner together and then sit and listen to the tape. Because of the actions that had occurred, the family came and visited her.

I was watching a video on YouTube called “Shopping While Black”. One of the things that I have expereinced is being followed in stores and even told what I do and do not like. This has happened in all size stores. One of the things that was interesting was it was done by a news program. The managed to find a store that was willing to permit an experiment to occur. A Black woman went into the store and a store clerk (an actress) treated her real bad because of her color. The experiment was to see what would happen when it came to the other shoppers. It was amazing how the other shoppers failed to step into action to defend this woman who hadn't done anything wrong. we all talk about the things that we would do in a situation, but it is interesting in that we don't step into action in reality.

I also think about a woman that I am a fan of named Lorielle New. Lorielle does a live webcam show Monday through Fridays. It appears that many of the people who come to her show are guys who lust after her. Me, Yes she is a beautiful lady, but that isn't why I come to her show. Lorielle is a woman who has dreamed of having success in Hollywood. Now I am not sure at what level success she desires (A-List, Tome Cruise level,) or being someone who does a starring role from time to time, but wants to be known as a great character actor. Lorielle did some acting in another state, then took a Leap of Faith and moved to Hollywood, Ca. Of what I know of the industry, many people go there seeking fame and fortune, but never really do the actions that it takes. Lorielle is one of those who not only has taken that Leep of Faith, but she has gone into Action in that she really hasn't relied on just agents to get her auditions, but has done the work to get them. Her success hasn't been that great in the level she has reached, but she goes out and seeks work. I haven't asked her (if I ever remember, one of these days I will,) but I don't think that he has had to do a “civilian” job since she has gotten there. I hear of others who are waiters, secretaries, and so forth, but Lorielle has managed to get enough work to be able to pay her bills, etc. She has starred in a film, done tv, done movies, done music videos, and other things, but most importantly she has not only had the Faith it takes to survive, has is doing the Actions that it take to survive.

If you look at the life of Jesus and the things that he did, you will realize that he was a person of action. He could of easily just sat around and let people die or remain unhealed of things, but he didn't. I really wonder what Jesus is thinking now about the people who claim to have Faith in him? Is Jesus upset that we fail to act in many ways towards the injustices that are done in this world? Think about your won actions. What calls to actions have you and do you ignor? Could your congregation be getting grants towards improvements and programs because you fail to move into action at getting them? In what other areas of your life could your actions useful?

To the person who asked me if my Pastor has ever apologized to me when he failed to give me the credit due me for work that I did? I'm still waiting for him to apologize. he has given me a number of excuses, but saying the words “I'm Sorry, what I did was wrong” has never coem out of his mouth. I fins it sad, as he appears to be able to apologize for anything that he has done wrong. As things go on and I look back, when it comes to me he has major problems. I sometimes wonder how he will answer to God when asked why he has been so inable to do the right and proper thing. He's going to have to answer to his actions. talking around the issue or trying to avoid it isn't going to work with God. At times I think about an episode of the show Red Dwarf where the characters had to justify their existence. The thing with it is that the person judging them was themselves. As I sit and watch only 2 or maybe 3 people sit in the pews on Sundays, I just shack my head knowing that what could be a great congregation doesn't exist because he has driven people who have tried to lead away from it. Do I think that he will ever apologize? Maybe one day he will, but I expect that he will also include a bunch of excuses with it. It's like I asked him a couple of months ago if we would be also buying copies of “Lift Every Voice and Sing II” at the same time that we get some new Spanish hymnal so that the Blacks in the congregation don't feel as though we are being put into the back of the bus again. He responded with we would have to raise money for it. Now I know that the raising of money for it will not happen, and he will get the vestry to buy only the Spanish hymnal, and if LEVIS II is brought up that he will have some excuse as why we shouldn't buy an equal number of it (or any at all,) at the same time. He still hasn't taken the time off that the Vestry said that he had to take over a year ago. It's sad to watch. But him saying an apology is something that I am sure will never happen, so I have put it into the hands of God, and will let God deal with him.

Forever in Christ

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Who Is Jesus To Me?

I find this question to be really interesting, and one that I feel most people really don't seriously think about. We have people who attend seminaries and other religious schools who will give you and academic answer to this question, but this isn't a question that any school can teach and give and answer to, as who Jesus is to each person is different. You see, the real answer to the question is what is in your heart, and since we all don't have the same heart, then the answer can not be exactly the same for everyone.

Now the church is very good at telling you who Jesus is and about the life that Jesus lead in his humanly form on this planet, but the church seems to fail at getting people to really look inside of themselves and see how they view Jesus. Oh yeah, there will be those within the church who will tell you how you should look upon and how you should have Jesus in your heart, but if one follows what they are told, are they really allowing their heart and soul to really know who Jesus is, or is their faith and God really of the person that is telling them how to think?

I was in a conversation in a MySpace group a few years ago. now I look up on my views and life as being more of a Moderate than being either Conservative or Liberal. The conversation was interesting, as both those on the conservative side and the liberal side were in agreement on the issue. Now the conservative side had been saying that the liberal side really weren't Christians mainly because of the views about hommosexuality. The liberal side keep pointing out stuff in the Bible concerning other laws in the Bible (mainly the Old Testiment by BOTH sides,) and that the conservative side wasn't following what was set down. Neither side would give up in the battle, then someone happen to mention a denomination. Both sides agreed that the people in that denomination were not Christians. I then asked a question that neither side was able to answer biblically. Where in the Bible does it say that people in certain denominations were Christians? I wanted them to point exactly to the verses. I found it funny that both sides started bringing up stuff that was not in the Bible, btu were things that Man, NOT GOD had said over the years. When I pointed out that I wanted Bible verses, they continued with the things supposed “Learned People” had said and written. I then had an say that I guess that they must be wrong in that they were unable to quote a single thing biblically to support their arguments. They were basing their arguments on Man, not on GOD.

And I find the same in many ways with what people have to say as to who Jesus is to them in their heart. But really, sit back and think about it. Why do you truly believe in your heart the way that you do? If you are a Christian, Jewish, Buddist, Islamist, or don't beieve in a higher being or not, why do you believe in your heart the way that you do? Why is YOUR Faith really YOUR Faith?

I find it funny when someone wants proof that God exist, and I ask them to prove that God doesn't exist, they tend to make some kind of remark, but the remark is one that doesn't even attempt to prove them being right. I had meet a very beautiful woman online that I really wanted to go out with at least once if I should of made made it to her area. We have a lot in common, really enjoyed talking with each other, but what our desire to do could not happen, as we had a God issue. She insisted that God didn't exist, and I was am (and am not) willing to give up my faith, as I know in my heart and soul that God does exist. I don't recall how we got into the issue, but one day we just got into a very short disagreement about the existance of God. When I said that I wanted her to prove that God didn't exist, she made a remark and we have not spoken since. Yeah I do miss my conversations on other things with her, but all that I can do is hope and pray that some day God touches her heart.

But back to the question. For me, Jesus is the one person in my life that I know really cares about me. Jesus isn't demanding anything from me, nor is he just wanting things from me. Jesus isn't like some of the people who have come into my life and act like vampires who just want me to do something for them. Jesus is the one person in my life who contacts me and asks me how I am doing.

People in this world get upset and complain to me that I never call them, and this is when I am the one who has called them. The funny thing is that they never call me, and when I have pointed this out, they change the subject.

Jesus comes to visit me. No I am not talking about coming to my place in a physical form, but Jesus stops by and visits me. I have lived in the same place for the last three years, and since I have moved in not a single person has ever come by to just visit,, but yet people will complain that I don't come by to see them. But Jesus comes by and checks out hwo I am. If I am not feeling well, Jesus is there.

Jesus is willing to listen to my ideas and hear what I have to say. I have gotten to the point with some people where I know that they aren't going to listen to me. Everything has to be about them. The funny thing with that is that those people who don't want to listen and want to make things about them is they think that they know all about me, but the truth is they really know nothing. They do their darndest to come across as an expert in many things, but the truth is they no nothing about anything.

Jesus is willing to apologize to me without excuses. I know someone now who has come up with excuse after excuse to me without ever saying the words “I'm sorry.” How this person can sit in a church week after week and ask God for forgiveness and to aplogize to God for the wrong that they have done is beyond me. I was taught that one sees God in there fellow human, so when I screw up, I say apologize. During service yesterday I screwed up as I had misread soemthing, and it effected the congregation. I apologized, and when someone else tried to blaim it on something else, I again apologized to the congregation and said that the fault was mine and mine alone.

Jesus died for my sins, and if he hadn't who knows what I would be like now. I want to again thank Jesus for dying for my sins, and continuing to be punished for my sins now. Yes most of the time I try my best to lead a sin free life, but I screw up.

Jesus is my best friend and has nothing but love for me. People say that parents have unconditional love for there kids, but think about it really. How often have you heard or even said that you would do something for your (or any) child as long as they do something. You have now put a condition upon actions, whereas in unconditional love actions aren't needed except by you.

Jesus is my guide. I am one of the sheep of Jesus who he is leading through an area where there are things that could kill me, kidnap me, or do me harm. Yes at times I do go off of the path and he leads me back, but he is my guide.

Oh I could go on and on about who Jesus is to me, but I want for you to sit back and think about who Jesus is to you?

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Why do you believe?

 I still don't get it. I'm talking about people wanting me to become ordained as a Deacon or a Priest. In case you are really wondering, if God were to say to me I had no choice but to be one or the other, I would become a Deacon.

But still, very few people will say what they see in me to even bring it up. I was at the Ordinations in this diocese at the beginning of last month. Before the ordination service, the diocese held an event relating to Area Ministry. During lunch, I was sitting at a table talking with a dear friend, someone that I really think should be ordained. After lunch, I had gotten together with the other members of the Commission On Ministry as we lined up to head in for the ordinations. One of the people said, “I was at a table, and someone asked me who that priest was. I looked around and said that their were a number of them around, which one was she was talking about. She said the one sitting over there, and I looked around and asked again which one she was talking about. She pointed and said the one that is sitting at the table talking with the woman. I then realized that she was talking about you.”

OK, something is going on, but nobody will explain to me what it is that they see. I was at church one day, and one of the members said something to me and that I should become ordained. My pastor overheard the conversation, and got a huge smile on his face.When we had a conversation about 10 days later, after telling him what I have been experienced, I asked him what he saw in me. He talked about all of the other people, but when I brought it back to what he saw, he again avoided the question.

But there have been a couple of people who have answered the question whom I really respect for it, several of them are Deacons. But I really need to hear from others as to what they see in me.

Now to something else. I forgot to mention that the guppies that I had written about have all died. The final one to go was one of the orange ones. I realized that it was going to happen about a week earlier, as he would only lay on the bottom of the tank, and the only time he would swim around was when food was put into the tank.

I also ended up losing all of the fish in that tank a few months later, this included the fish that I had the longest, which was a catfish. I am at fault on this, as I had added to much salt into the water the night before when I went to top off the tank with water. When I arose the next day, I walked into the living room and looked into the tank. The catfish was laying on one of the plants like it would do at times, but I knew something was wrong. I grabbed a net and stuck it into the tank, and when I got close to it and it didn't dart off, I knew that it was dead. It was then that I realized that all of the other fish were dead also. I haven't gotten any new fish to replace them, as I am trying to figure out what I want to get, and even if I want to continue to have fish. I have been thinking about just cleaning out the water in the tank and getting a Beta. I'll figure it out one of these days.

Anyway, things are still the same at the congregation that I am in. My pastor has still not apologized to me as directed by the vestry. I am finding it funny, as I have let him know that I am still awaiting the apology, and he has given excuses. He has even given sermons relating to rewards and other stuff, but still he can't do something so simple as to say, “Clinton, I am sorry. I screwed up and what I did was wrong. I apologize.” I know that it is never going to happen, and I wonder how he will answer to the Holy Trinity if he should be asked about it.

I hope to get back to writing here more often. I have been busy with other things, and I have also gone back to writing poetry from time to time. I haven't been keepin up with much of what has been happening in the Anglican Communion, as I feel that I should be spending my time doing other things. I will do my best to write something in the next few weeks.

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Yes, you will get tears at the minimum

I went to a friends YouTube page this morning and found this video. If it doesn't bring tears to your eyes at a minimum, then you must not have a soul. You have been warned.

Cat gives a cardiac massage to his injured girlfriend

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What do they see in me?

 Ever since I was about 10 or 11, people have said to me that I should think about becoming either a priest or a deacon, and to this day I have never been able to figure out why. Now what is strange with this is that not many Black youth are told this. Just recently I was told by Deacons in this diocese that I should go to the School for Deacons and become a deacon. I just don't get what people see in me. Let me go back in time.

 My parents bought a house in another area of Philadelphia. We had continued to attend the same congregation, but for some reason unknown to me they decided that it was time to find a church that was closer to home. There were two congregations not to far away. We went to one congregation and my parents I discovered later really liked it. Then the next Sunday we went to the other one. During service some people came and got my sister and I and took us to Sunday School. While we were in our classes, they had us sign some stuff. Now being the age that I was, I really didn't have a clue as to what we were signing, but it turned out that we had signed up for Sunday School. We told our parents after church what we had filled out, and they said that they guess we are going to church here now. Now that I think about it, I have a feeling that they were upset at what had happened, but they didn't express it (thanks mom and dad.) 

 I had noticed two clergy people at the church during service, and as far as I knew they were both priest, as I don't recall ever hearing the term Deacon before. As we were sitting there one Sunday, my father leaned over and for some reason explained that one was the priest and the other a Deacon. He then explained the two roles to me, and said that I should think about becoming one and that I should strongly consider the role of a Deacon. I think that at this point I had wanted to become a cop like one of my grandfathers was, but never a clergy person. I thought about it for a while, but because I really didn't understand the role of the Deacon, I put it out of my head.

 On the day that I was confirmed, after service and some prodding from my parents, I walked up to the Bishop and asked him to sign the Bible that my parents had bought me as a gift (I still have that Bible to this day.) We spoke for a minute, then he said that I should think about becoming a Deacon. I was 12 or 13 at that point, and wasn't quite sure what I wanted to be, but I told him that I would think about it.

 Again and again I thought about the two roles as people kept saying that I should become a member of the clergy, but I just didn't get it. I wasn't feeling the need or desire to become one. When I moved to California, I heard it again at the congregation that I attended, but I came up with an excuse that brought me to an understanding that I had no interest. The Bishop's Committee choose the Deanery reps, and I was asked to be one. I said OK, and when I went to my first meeting and then the convention of the diocese I knew that even though becoming a member of the clergy would be something that I wouldn't be doing. Politics killed the thought of becoming a member of the clergy. I watched the politics that were going on, and I knew that I had no desire to be apart of it. I went back and stayed within the confines of my congregation.

 Years went by, and people kept bringing up me becoming a clergy person over and over.  Yes I have thought about it over and over, but I really didn't understand the role of the deacon. When I became a member of the Commission on Ministry, I gained a great understanding of the role. The more that I have learned and thought about it, the more that I think back on the first mention of it by my father. I wonder if someone had really explained the role of the Deacon in my teen years, would it of made a difference in my goals in life? Would I be ordained a deacon now? Oh there is no way for me to go back in time and have that happen, but I wonder.

 Over the last few years the call for me to take on that role has been pushed on me more and more it seems. I sit and I wonder about it, “Should I do it, or should I not?”, “What difference would it make to me to become one?”, “Why should I even think about wearing a collar, and how would it help me in spreading the Gospel to the world?” So many questions, with so few answers. 

 I know that the one thing that this diocese needs more than priest are Deacons. We have such an overflow of priest that each congregation could have 3 of them, and we would still have extras around. But this, like many other diocese in the Episcopal Church have a large shortage of deacons. I wonder if I should become one and talk with teenagers about thinking of it as a career choice to do even though they will need to have a secular job? 

 I don't see myself as a Deacon or a priest, but I wonder what it is that people keep seeing in me to think that I should? Oh if I were to follow that path, it will be because it is what the people desire, and I will truly be raised by the community to that role, but why does the community of the diocese wish to see me in that role is something that I wonder. What talents and skills does the community see in me that will be a benefit to the world?

 I remember being at ordinations a few years ago, and  ArchDeacon Anthony Turney gave the sermon. He talked about the role of the deacon and a well known charity. He ended the sermon in a brilliant way, and it really related to what he talked about. he told the newly ordained deacons that they needed to got o Hell. I wonder if I am really to do that in order to help spread the Good News of the Holy Trinity? But I also wonder if you are willing to go there with me? I love being on the Commission on Ministry, but I wonder if me being on it was God's way of telling me to think about my path and what God wants me to do?

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The Struggles of the Church - Part I

 I am hoping that there is something that will happen to change things, but I fear that it will not happen. Yeah it is the congregation that I am in. I have tried over and over again to get things going there, but I have given up for the most part. My pastor has begun to try, but I think that he will give up by the summer. I still think that there is hope for the place, but not much hope for it with most of the people within the walls of it currently. Changes need to be made, and with those changes it means a lose of many of the people there. 

 The congregation basically has 6 real lay leaders, and only one of them serves on the vestry at this time. The thing is with this person, if the diocese were to ask me to bring the leaders of the congregation over for a meeting, he wouldn't be one of them, and I think that maybe two of the others might come. But this congregation is like so many others, where it is just really a few people who actually do the work. I have someone hoped that with Area Ministry that it would get others to step of to the plate, but I don't think that it will happen much. 

 What is really sad is how little people really want to do anything at this congregation. The vestry will put committees together, and they don't meet, or will start off with a bang and then die very quickly. Trying to get people together to do even the simplest of things is difficult. When I first started going there, on the first Sunday of the month people would bring food for the Food Pantry, but that faded away. I tried to bring that back, and it worked for a couple of months, then it stopped. We do a monthly Movie Night, where a member of the congregation will bring in a movie on the second Saturday of the month and will also bring some snacks. The idea was to invite the neighbors to come in hopes that a few of them might be interested in wanting to know more about the church and become members. Just a couple of us put notices out to the people of the area, and even got it into the local neighborhood paper. Only one neighbor ever came. Part of the problem was that there was more of a push to have movies that had Spanish subtitles, than to get the people of the area through the door. Sure it is nice to have people from the congregation to show up, but it wasn't helping the church grow. One other thing is that when people sign up, they also put what movie they are going to show so that can be advertised not only within the neighborhood, but also places like Craigslist. 

 But as hard as others and I try to bring life into the place, and get people involved, excuse after excuse is given as to why the different ideas can't be done. Now imagine if the followers during the time of Jesus keep doing that. Do you really think that Christianity would have survived? It's time for people to get off of there butt and actually do something.

 This in a way is not just about the congregation that I am in, but the Episcopal Church, the Lutheran Church, the Catholic Church and the many others that are dying. Oh people are talking about there members dying and moving away, but what is being done to get others to fill in those empty seats? It would seem to me that with people moving, that growth for some parishes would be happening, but I don't hear about that, only that congregations are dying. I know of a congregation that at had a large number of people in the pews for the two services that they had on Sundays, but now they are down to one service and only have maybe 25 people for it. This is sad.

 But yet I do see hope for many of the congregations if they really want to survive. One of the first things that I think needs to be done is to have people from the office have a conversation with the lay leader of these places to see if they really see any true and honest hope of the congregation's survival. The diocese needs to also have suggestions on things that these congregations could do. They also must talk about the effect of actually closing or merging congregations. Think about it. Maybe two struggling congregations could merge into one under new clergy leadership. and even though they might start off small, with more lay leadership involved, they could become vital places with life in them. Why have say 80 congregations with say ½ of them dying, when you could have 60 congregations with life in them that are spreading greatness of our Lord and Saviour?

 But I will admit that I do see congregations in the Episcopal Diocese that I live in where I truly believe that the Holy Trinity will bring life back into. There are three congregations that come to mind. St. Cyprian's in San Francisco. From what I understand, they are down to only 25 people coming each Sunday. I know their vicar, The Rev. Will Scott. This is a congregation that I would love to see leaders from other congregations attend and become a member of. With the leaders at the church, others coming in, and Area Ministry, this could become the congregation that it once was, that being one with Life in it. 

 Another congregation is the one that I joined when I first moved to California. It was a vibrant congregation then, but after I left it declined to a sad state. From what I understand, St. Cuthbert's is actually beginning to do well. But the thing that I believe will help it in it's growth is if some of its members get involved in other things in the diocese. I believe that they have the ability to become the faster growing congregation in the diocese and in the Episcopal Church as a whole. It's just missing that certain something to get it there. Even though I am not a fan of the vicar, I think that if the members were to actually listen to her and work with her, along with support from the diocese, they will grow.

 The last congregation is St. Paul's here in Oakland. Now they are actually doing OK, but I believe that they are about to become another one of those that will grow in huge ways. This is a case where the rector is so dynamic, they will come just for him, but the problem is that the church won't know what to do with the people beyond having them come on Sundays.

 Oh I know that there are a ton of more congregations that I could add, like Grace Epiphany in Philadelphia and others, but those were the ones that come to mind as I think about it. 

 Another congregation that just jumped into my mind what I pray will be busting at the seems one day is St. Clare's, located in Pleasanton. Rev. Ron Culmer is the Rector and a really super guy. I think that with his leadership, and if the people work with him, that church will be one of those where you will need to get there 20 minutes before any service if you want to get a seat.

 One more is St. Augustine's here in Oakland. It seems to be that they have the right mixture of stuff, from a great Rector in Rev. Monrelle Williams, to people who are active at many levels not only at different levels within the congregation, but in the diocese as well, but something just isn't working right. Oh they have bugged me to join leave where I am and join them, but for me my heart wouldn't be in that place. Oh I do go there for services, and I do love the people, but I kind of like the underdog church that others forget exist. 

 Anyways, let me end this here, as I am sure that their are plenty of other things that you could be doing besides reading what I write. I promise that I will continue on with my thoughts int eh near future.

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Just a LITTLE Respect is all that I ask for...

 I find it amazing how little respect I get from my own pastor. I think that if it wasn't for others in this diocese, like my Bishop, I would no longer be in the Episcopal Church, or I would at least be at another congregation. Every Sunday I sit in a congregation that is dead, and nobody seems to want to do anything able bringing life back to it. The place is full of excuses on why it can't do anything, and leading the pack is the pastor. Now I don't want for him to be removed any time soon, as he does do some good things, but I already see him taking full credit on something that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be involved in. Let me go back in time.

 I grew up in a family who was involved in the church, regardless of whatever congregation we were in. My mother was involved with the Altar Guild and other things. My father was the Sr. Warden and involved with a number of other things, and even my sister got involved. I did my best not to get involved, but I found myself involved with a number of activities.

 When I moved to the west coast, I didn't attend an Episcopal service for a few months, but one Sunday I awoke and had to attend a service. With the help of someone, I found one of the local congregations and attended. I walked into it and knew that I was back home. After the service, I spoke with the vicar and he was excited to have me there and of the things that I had done in the church. Before I knew it, I was involved.

 Some changed occurred at the church, and I had moved to another part of the city. I went to the congregation that was closest to me, mainly to see what they were up to, and before I knew it, I was a member there. I tried to remain in the background, but before I knew it I was involved with different thing. After a few years, I managed to get it so that I was mainly doing what I had wanted to do ever since I was a child, and that was to just sit in the pews. After a few years, I found myself back active again, but this time it was much deeper. Now let me speed up.

 The Vestry put together a committee to work on the rental of the campus in different areas. After not meeting for several months, I took it upon myself to rewrite all of the rules, and came up with several pricing items. I brought this to the committee (who still hadn't met,) and they looked over it. It was then brought to the vestry, who passed it. It was then said that the committee should be given a hand. As the applause was going, someone mentioned to my pastor that I should be given the credit. He then said "That doesn't matter". When I brought up what had happened in order to protect the church in case something should happen, and after a discussion, the vestry voted that I was owed and apology. After the meeting, my pastor walked up to me and said,"I thought that you were on the committee," then turned around and walked away. I still haven't heard an apology.

 I was asked by the diocese to be apart of a group to put together a strategic plan for multicutural and multiethnic ministry. At the first meeting we talked about many things, one of which was to take a look at other plans that had been put together. They thought that my pastor could get one of them and that he could present it to the group several months down the line. When he came to the meeting that we wanted to talk to him about the plan, he came without the plan. He got involved through the rest of the process. The Sunday after the Diosean Convention passed what was created, he took full credit for his involvement and how great he was on this, but didn't mention that I was involved even though I was sitting in the church. A few years later, we had an Assistant Bishop come to visit. Part of his job was to be the head of the MultiCultural & Ethnic Ministries. He, my pastor and I were standing in the altar area, when he brought it up and that he had questions about it. I said that he had two of the people standing with him that had worked on it. My pastor then said that I had very little to do with it, and that it was mainly his work. I just walked away.

 I asked that "Lift Every Voice and Sing" be sung during Black History Month. He told me that it didn't fit with the liturgy. I asked the next year and was told that we sing other Black songs throughout the year, so no reason to sing it. I have found it funny when I have gone into other congregations (even Euro congregations,) they sung it during the month. Funny, when I changed the last hymn of the service last February to it, people walked up to me afterwards saying that we should have been singing it each week during February. 

 Not to long ago, I passed him a note asking that we do the "Stations of the Cross" during Lent. Now we had been doing it the last couple of years, as I have found some interesting versions. Now I had to get through his "Oh, that's a Spanish thing" several years ago when I brought the idea up. I also explained that it is something that I do for my Personal Spiritual growth, and even if I did it by myself, it would help me in my growth. We this time he wrote back that we should do this bilingual. I said that I will explain why we shouldn't on the way back. on the way back, I explained why I did the Stations, and he kept insisting that we do it bilingually. In other words, what he was saying to me was that he didn't care about my Spirituality. 

 The diocese runs a program called Nightwatch. He got mad that he wasn't invited to be apart of the planning team. He came and brought some of the youth the first year. I know that he was hoping that it was such a problem that he could jump in so he could claim that he saved the day. The kids loved the program, and the program went off well. As a result, the youth group at the church began meeting again. I asked the youth what they wanted to do, and I even showed them a list of events that the diocese had for youth. He didn't like it, so he ignored what the youth wanted and made up his own things to do with them. After a bit of time, the youth group fell apart. It was sad to watch, as at one point he all but told the youth that they weren't permitted to talk with me about things that they wanted to do. Because of things with the Assistant Bishop, people involved in the group he wanted me to have people involved with the planning. My pastor proceeded to say to be after the meeting that we should take the event away from the others that I was working with over. Now that we are working at putting the next Nightwatch together, he has lied to me about how someone else (one of his friends) got involved. People have told me that the two of them want to try to relive there supposed glory days of youth work, and now I know that they are going to attempt to drive out all of the people involved who won't do things the way that they want away from future Nightwatches, and will try to do the same with the other youth events. They won't listen, and sadly the youth stuff for the diocese will vanish. I already know what will happen after the event is over. He will stand before people and claim all of the credit for the event for himself and his friend. If I try to say anything, he will do his best to minimize my involvement.

 Time and time again he has shown no respect to me and others. The vestry said that he had to take three consecutive weeks off between January 2009 and September 2009. He thought that he could come back with a list of times that he will be away during the week over months ahead, and I am sure that he was mad when it was mentioned that he also needed to take three consecutive weeks off. When it came to the September Vestry meeting, he still hadn't taken the time off, and when we tried to work with him as to when, nothing but excuses as to why he couldn't. I resigned from the vestry after that meeting. I wrote out why I resigned, and from what I have been told he minimized what I wrote as to why I resigned to the Spanish speakers on the vestry. He doesn't want them to know the truth.

 When one tries to bring up Stewardship and giving of monies to the church to, he gives a sermon about Stewardship having nothing to do with money. His response to me when I said "Joyous Kwanzaa" to him during the Peace was "Oh That", then walking away. Telling the congregation that Black History wasn't important. He has done so much stuff and taken credit for works of others that I am now finding it funny. The Diocese has come up with a great idea and is calling it Area Ministry. He has found a ton of reasons as to why it shouldn't be called that among the Oakland congregations, but Shared Ministry. I get the feeling that if it is successful under that name his will claim all of the credit for it with tons of excuses as to why it isn't Area Ministry. 

 But I am glad that others in the diocese have said "Thank You" to me. It makes me realize that people do care. I have thought about leaving the congregation to join one that wants to survive, but I think that I need to sit back and watch the destruction of this congregation. I don't want to diocese to remove the pastor either, as I have said, he does do some great work. It's just a shame that he has driven a number of natural leaders away, not only from the congregation, but even from the Episcopal Church. I know that he has no respect for me, but all that I can do is pray that I get my reward in Heaven. I wonder how he will answer to the Holy Trinity for the things that he has done, not just to me, but to others?

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