Just a LITTLE Respect is all that I ask for...

 I find it amazing how little respect I get from my own pastor. I think that if it wasn't for others in this diocese, like my Bishop, I would no longer be in the Episcopal Church, or I would at least be at another congregation. Every Sunday I sit in a congregation that is dead, and nobody seems to want to do anything able bringing life back to it. The place is full of excuses on why it can't do anything, and leading the pack is the pastor. Now I don't want for him to be removed any time soon, as he does do some good things, but I already see him taking full credit on something that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be involved in. Let me go back in time.

 I grew up in a family who was involved in the church, regardless of whatever congregation we were in. My mother was involved with the Altar Guild and other things. My father was the Sr. Warden and involved with a number of other things, and even my sister got involved. I did my best not to get involved, but I found myself involved with a number of activities.

 When I moved to the west coast, I didn't attend an Episcopal service for a few months, but one Sunday I awoke and had to attend a service. With the help of someone, I found one of the local congregations and attended. I walked into it and knew that I was back home. After the service, I spoke with the vicar and he was excited to have me there and of the things that I had done in the church. Before I knew it, I was involved.

 Some changed occurred at the church, and I had moved to another part of the city. I went to the congregation that was closest to me, mainly to see what they were up to, and before I knew it, I was a member there. I tried to remain in the background, but before I knew it I was involved with different thing. After a few years, I managed to get it so that I was mainly doing what I had wanted to do ever since I was a child, and that was to just sit in the pews. After a few years, I found myself back active again, but this time it was much deeper. Now let me speed up.

 The Vestry put together a committee to work on the rental of the campus in different areas. After not meeting for several months, I took it upon myself to rewrite all of the rules, and came up with several pricing items. I brought this to the committee (who still hadn't met,) and they looked over it. It was then brought to the vestry, who passed it. It was then said that the committee should be given a hand. As the applause was going, someone mentioned to my pastor that I should be given the credit. He then said "That doesn't matter". When I brought up what had happened in order to protect the church in case something should happen, and after a discussion, the vestry voted that I was owed and apology. After the meeting, my pastor walked up to me and said,"I thought that you were on the committee," then turned around and walked away. I still haven't heard an apology.

 I was asked by the diocese to be apart of a group to put together a strategic plan for multicutural and multiethnic ministry. At the first meeting we talked about many things, one of which was to take a look at other plans that had been put together. They thought that my pastor could get one of them and that he could present it to the group several months down the line. When he came to the meeting that we wanted to talk to him about the plan, he came without the plan. He got involved through the rest of the process. The Sunday after the Diosean Convention passed what was created, he took full credit for his involvement and how great he was on this, but didn't mention that I was involved even though I was sitting in the church. A few years later, we had an Assistant Bishop come to visit. Part of his job was to be the head of the MultiCultural & Ethnic Ministries. He, my pastor and I were standing in the altar area, when he brought it up and that he had questions about it. I said that he had two of the people standing with him that had worked on it. My pastor then said that I had very little to do with it, and that it was mainly his work. I just walked away.

 I asked that "Lift Every Voice and Sing" be sung during Black History Month. He told me that it didn't fit with the liturgy. I asked the next year and was told that we sing other Black songs throughout the year, so no reason to sing it. I have found it funny when I have gone into other congregations (even Euro congregations,) they sung it during the month. Funny, when I changed the last hymn of the service last February to it, people walked up to me afterwards saying that we should have been singing it each week during February. 

 Not to long ago, I passed him a note asking that we do the "Stations of the Cross" during Lent. Now we had been doing it the last couple of years, as I have found some interesting versions. Now I had to get through his "Oh, that's a Spanish thing" several years ago when I brought the idea up. I also explained that it is something that I do for my Personal Spiritual growth, and even if I did it by myself, it would help me in my growth. We this time he wrote back that we should do this bilingual. I said that I will explain why we shouldn't on the way back. on the way back, I explained why I did the Stations, and he kept insisting that we do it bilingually. In other words, what he was saying to me was that he didn't care about my Spirituality. 

 The diocese runs a program called Nightwatch. He got mad that he wasn't invited to be apart of the planning team. He came and brought some of the youth the first year. I know that he was hoping that it was such a problem that he could jump in so he could claim that he saved the day. The kids loved the program, and the program went off well. As a result, the youth group at the church began meeting again. I asked the youth what they wanted to do, and I even showed them a list of events that the diocese had for youth. He didn't like it, so he ignored what the youth wanted and made up his own things to do with them. After a bit of time, the youth group fell apart. It was sad to watch, as at one point he all but told the youth that they weren't permitted to talk with me about things that they wanted to do. Because of things with the Assistant Bishop, people involved in the group he wanted me to have people involved with the planning. My pastor proceeded to say to be after the meeting that we should take the event away from the others that I was working with over. Now that we are working at putting the next Nightwatch together, he has lied to me about how someone else (one of his friends) got involved. People have told me that the two of them want to try to relive there supposed glory days of youth work, and now I know that they are going to attempt to drive out all of the people involved who won't do things the way that they want away from future Nightwatches, and will try to do the same with the other youth events. They won't listen, and sadly the youth stuff for the diocese will vanish. I already know what will happen after the event is over. He will stand before people and claim all of the credit for the event for himself and his friend. If I try to say anything, he will do his best to minimize my involvement.

 Time and time again he has shown no respect to me and others. The vestry said that he had to take three consecutive weeks off between January 2009 and September 2009. He thought that he could come back with a list of times that he will be away during the week over months ahead, and I am sure that he was mad when it was mentioned that he also needed to take three consecutive weeks off. When it came to the September Vestry meeting, he still hadn't taken the time off, and when we tried to work with him as to when, nothing but excuses as to why he couldn't. I resigned from the vestry after that meeting. I wrote out why I resigned, and from what I have been told he minimized what I wrote as to why I resigned to the Spanish speakers on the vestry. He doesn't want them to know the truth.

 When one tries to bring up Stewardship and giving of monies to the church to, he gives a sermon about Stewardship having nothing to do with money. His response to me when I said "Joyous Kwanzaa" to him during the Peace was "Oh That", then walking away. Telling the congregation that Black History wasn't important. He has done so much stuff and taken credit for works of others that I am now finding it funny. The Diocese has come up with a great idea and is calling it Area Ministry. He has found a ton of reasons as to why it shouldn't be called that among the Oakland congregations, but Shared Ministry. I get the feeling that if it is successful under that name his will claim all of the credit for it with tons of excuses as to why it isn't Area Ministry. 

 But I am glad that others in the diocese have said "Thank You" to me. It makes me realize that people do care. I have thought about leaving the congregation to join one that wants to survive, but I think that I need to sit back and watch the destruction of this congregation. I don't want to diocese to remove the pastor either, as I have said, he does do some great work. It's just a shame that he has driven a number of natural leaders away, not only from the congregation, but even from the Episcopal Church. I know that he has no respect for me, but all that I can do is pray that I get my reward in Heaven. I wonder how he will answer to the Holy Trinity for the things that he has done, not just to me, but to others?

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

EMERGING FROM THE BLACK HOLE…..

A friend of mine named Gina wrote this, and I found this to be a very beautifully written peice. I just had to share this with you.

EMERGING FROM THE BLACK HOLE.....

By Gina AKA Dream Wizard

C ompletely wrapped in the blanket of misery and pain, finding yourself in the destruction of utter despair and disdain.  Fallen again, into the virtual reality of the bottomless pit, the devil's turf, here you now sit.   

The Grim Reaper has now come to your mind for a visit, playing musical chairs with your thoughts and emotions with intent to create chaos and commotion.  Your up is now down and your down, downer that not even the blue bill can stop the rock of inner destruction from rolling downhill.  As if the gravity of saneness has been culled from the ground.   Your world is now twisted, distorted and turned all around, as if the inner logical compass just spins all around.   All feelings of sense of self now stolen from the thief in the night who has replaced your saneness by indifference, self hate, no wisdom forthright. 

All friends good wishes just chatter and noise creeping to a full blown migraine of nonsense in a box of ill-fitted ploys.  Pandora's box of minds tyranny,  has now taken flight, like a winged bat on a mission soaring into the night.    The full moon has risen and has raised hell with your plight.  Your thoughts are of darkness and won't turn off with the light.  You are of ill fit of the mind and of all but distraught,  feeling bruised and all beat up yet it is only yourself,  that you fought. 

Deep down into the black hole of nothingness in a place called nowhere.  The stillness of nothing, absent of all, nothing good worth hearing, not even the sound of the cricket's call.  Closed out from the world, removed from it all. 

Alone, without comfort, from the deafening silence of BLACK,  only sleep can bear witness from the self-defeating thoughts which attack. 

Now, the time has come to scratch your way from a place of hell, a hole so deep, you no longer know just how deep you fell.  What toll must be paid, coming up from such hole, climbing up the walls of self-defeating dirt that has covered your soul.   Upward and onward you climb but the earth seems to crumble under your grasp, you fall from the ledge of ill thoughts from your past.

You grab onto the walls of dirt to lift yourself up but the sand slips from your clenched fingertips.   Push and climb, you dredge forward  two paces up only to  fall back down one, perhaps it would of been best, if hadn't begun.  

You remind yourself to think of a better future, a brighter day await, only to ponder such theory of who has taken such bait.  Hope you decide is better than none, so again you attempt the climb now as an Olympian with a prize to be won.   

You claw your way to the surface inch by inch from sheer determination and fortitude. A profound mental image etched in your newly found attitude.

Fiinally, after what seems like eternal damnation, you pull yourself out of the wretched black hole, feeling alive, you dust off your soul.  Your face now turned up to that glaring light, you quickly squint in pain and cover your eyes from that which is blinding bright.    As your pupils retract and you stand upright, your body adjust's to the brilliant light.....SUNSHINE.

Welcome Back.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

The Fish Tank, Part III

Ok, it has been a bit since I last updated about the fish, so hear is what is going on. one of the black ones died, which means that I am down to three, one of each color. Yellow and Orange seem to stick together most of the time, which the Black one joining in from time to time. I think that I am going to have to go down to the pet store where I bought these and take a look at what is going on in there tanks. As I think back on it, it seems as though the Orange and yellow ones stuck together in the tank, and the black ones stuck together much of the time. 

 I'm thinking about setting the other tank up and putting the Orange and Yellow one in there, then finding some females and breeding the black one. I happen to like his tail better.

 Welp, I guess that I should get back to writing about things in the communion again on this blog. I got a shock today about something that happened in this diocese, but I want to spend a few days thinking about it and other things before writing anything.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

SWB – Shopping While Black

 At times I find it funny when Whites have a problem believing that something like this really goes on when they are told that it is.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Racism in A Fish Tank? Part II

 Things have been interesting over the last few days. One of the yellows and one of the oranges died. The Orange died first, and the lone orange tried hanging with both groups. He mainly ended up with the yellow ones. But it was still interesting, as the guppies still stuck together color wise. 

 I lost the yellow one yesterday. I couldn't find the body, then suddenly it popped up today. but things have been interesting in that one of the black ones has spent some time hanging with Yellow and Orange, but for the most part the Blacks are hanging together.

 I guess that I would have to get a number of different colored ones to see what happens, but I think that I will stick with the ones that I have now.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Racism In A Fish Tank?

 A few weeks ago I decided that I wanted to get some pet fish. Now I have had pet fish for the last 7 years, but not to long ago I gave my two angel fish to a sweet lady that I had met as I had wanted to get rid of my fish and tanks. I had a couple of tanks here that each contained 1 fish. Finally I emptied one of the tanks and moved it lone occupant on tje larger tank with the other one. now I had a small catfish and a "Flying Fox" in the tank. Nothing really exciting, and the tank was mostly empty with two fish that didn't do anything.

 Now I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I sent a message to the woman that I had given the Angel Fish to, but she has been away and hadn't replied. Oh what to do.

 I was sitting and watching TV as I surfed, and decided that I would get some guppies. Guppies would be interesting, as that breed real fast, so that would mean that I wouldn't have to go back to the store to get more as they died off. But did I really want to do that? I know from time to time I like to get something different to look at, but did I want to just stick with guppies, and what would I do if the tank got over populated? I decided to do some research on the Internet. I noticed that some people kept only male guppies because they found them to more colorful than the females. I then remembered that PetsMart sold them by sex. I also remembered that they had different breeds of guppies, one of which is called a Delta Guppy. More research. I had pretty much made up my mind on Deltas, but then I came across a site that showed different tail types. I saw what I wanted.

 I went PetsMart and took a look. The Deltas were nice, but I fell in love with the Fancies. I saw a yellow one in the tank that was being picked on by some of the others in the tank. It was the only yellow one in the tank. I had the girl pick that one and I liked the black ones, so I got one of them. I brought them home and put them into the tank. About an hour later, the yellow one began to pick on the black one. I had to laugh. After some time they would swim friendly with each other.

 This morning I awoke and looked into the tank. I could find the yellow one, but not the black one. A few hours later I found the black one on the floor behind the tank dead. I was a little upset, but I had planned on buying some more today, so I figured that I would replace him with another black one. 

 When I got to the store, I decided that I would buy two black ones, two orange ones, and one yellow one. I came home with them and put them into the tank with the lone yellow. After a few minutes the lone yellow came over and joined the others, even giving them a tour of the tank.

 Not to long ago, the light for the tank turned off as scheduled. I noticed something that I found interesting. The fish were hanging together bases on color. The Black ones were together, the Yellow ones were together, and the Orange ones were together. Yes they were all close to each other, but they had paired off into there own section. When one would swim away some, so would the other, but never two colors. I got to thinking about them as I have watched them since the "tour" ended. They have been sticking together based on color. It makes me wonder if this is some kind of racism in the tank? Are fish in a way Racist? If this is true, it makes me wonder if racism is really something that is natural. I'm going to have to keep an eye on this over the next few days.

Read and post comments | Send to a friend

Who is a minority?

 I was watching a short film today at the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival website. The name of the film is "Four Short Films about Love". It's a really interesting film dealing mainly about coming of age. It's a really good film that I think people should watch. But as I watched it, something was said during it that has me wondering, "Who is a minority?" 

 Being Black, I have heard all of my life that I am a minority in this country. I accept that fact, and embrace it. I have no problem with it because in this country Blacks are just a minority in the number of people.

 Over the last few years I have heard about other groups of people referring themselves that minorities outside of racial minorities. in some cases I wonder what really makes them a minority? I have heard women referred to as being a minority, but yet in reality women are a majority of people in this country. How can a majority be a minority? The LGBT community shouts that they are a minority? In the film, one of the girls says that she is a minority because she is Jewish. I've seen where some of the conservative Anglicans in this country say that they are a minority. I've heard and seen others say that they are a minority and that they are being oppressed because of it.

 Now I can understand it when it comes to those of us who are not White, but I am wondering if the term is being thrown around to easily? Should we come up with other terms when it comes to different groups? With the way that the term is used, who in this country can't say that they aren't a minority?

 Well, this is just some "food for thought" for you to think about.

 Here is the film. I hope that you enjoy it.

Four Short Films about Love

Read and post comments | Send to a friend