The Hidden Story Of Jesus

 One of the things that i really enjoy doing is watching documentaries.  I was on a site and looked at the titles of the religious documentaries, and happen to come up on this one. even after reading the description, I figured it would still be about something else. this is a documentary that I thin that ALL Christians and people of other faiths and beliefs should watch.

"As Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus, theologian Robert Beckford investigates remarkable parallels to the Christ story in other faiths, some of them predating Christianity by thousands of years."

Merry ChristMass

 I hope and pray that you and yours have the Merriest of ChristMass and a very Joyous Kwanzaa

Love Thy Neighbor

Yeah, I know that it has been a few months since I last blogged about anything, I've just been going through some stuff and haven't thought about it, but I'm back.

A week ago I was sitting at my laptop doing some stuff on the Internet and watching television, when I had this suddenly noise of the gate slamming between the building that I live in and the one behind it. At first I thought that it was someone who had either just entered or left, so I didn't think much about it. Then suddenly I heard the noise again, then the loud chanting. Then their was noise coming from the front. I jumped up and looked out front to see a bunch of police vehicles. I quickly went into the chatroom where I was on the Internet and told everyone that I had to go as it appears that their was a riot going on in my neighborhood.

I grabbed my camera and went out front to see a line of police in front of the parking lot and hundred of police up and down my street. I stood there looking in amazement. Police officers, police vehicles, crime scene tape. One thing that I did know for sure is that I wasn't going to be going anywhere anytime soon.

I stood outside for a little but, then an officer said that I should go back into the building. I went back up, grabbed my laptop and positioned myself near a window. Yeah I will admit that I did become scared, as I had no idea exactly what was going on. I turned on the television and they showed short blips of what was going on, as my mind was blown away form the activity that I was seeing live.

The police came from different areas of the Bay Area, as they knew that something might happen that night. It was the day of the sentencing for the cop who had been convicted of killing a guy on the platform of the one of the local transportation systems.

Let me jump ahead in time.

After the all of the police had left, I went down to take a look to see if there was any damage done to the building. I got down to the corner and saw trash all over the place. The protestors had turned over trash cans, pushed a dumpster into the street, and even the police left trash. Three of us went over to the dumpster and pushed it back to where it belonged, then I went back and picked up all of the crime scene tape that they police had thrown into the pile.

Some people who lived on the block came over and we stood around talking about what happened. most of us didn't know each other, but together we began to clean up the mess, as we were not sure if the city would send a crew to clean up or not. I noticed some TV vans still there as we cleaned, and I just knew that they would only report on the events of the arrest. We got the area clean as best that we could, but it was dark out.

As we stood there after cleaning, I jokingly said to the others that it's a shame that the press could cover the bad, but when neighbors help each other to clean up after the events, they would be nowhere to be seen, as they had left by then.

I walked down to the store to get some stuff, and one of the owners looked at me and said that he had just seen me on tv cleaning up the mess. I was floored. After I got home and did some stuff, I checked out the local coverage of events, and sure enough one of the stations showed the group of us cleaning.

After thinking about the events of the night, Jesus' saying of “Love They Neighbor As Thyself” came to mind, along with the story of “The Samaritan”. I had just lived those sayings. Here were people who could of simply walked away just like those who didn't help the person, but they came and helped there neighbor not expecting anything in return. we didn't ask them to come and help, but they did. it was a great reminder to myself as to what I should be doing as a Christian.

How many times have we been in a situation where we could of helped, but yet sat back and did nothing. Yes, there are times when it is better not to do anything, but they are really few and far apart in the whole skeem of things. I think back in my life and remember those times that I in a way took the easy road and did nothing. haven;t we all done that at some point in our life. We also must remember those times where we each needed help and others did nothing to help us.

What have we done by just walking away and done nothing? Who have we harmed in our actions like this? But also, how much have we also hurt ourselves be refusing the help when it is offered? Why do you and I let our egos get into the way from accepting the help that is offered? Why do we say one thing, but yet do another? How are each of us loving our neighbor love themselves, and how are we really honoring the Holy Trinity when we don't but yet know that we can?

I as each of you to do something. I am sure that each of you have seem or know someone that is homeless. The Holiday Season is coming up upon us. Go out and buy something for that person and give it to them on December 25^th. “But, I gotta buy this, that or the other for someone...” I am sure you are saying in your mind, along with “Well, I'll let someone else do that...” Be a Neighbor and a Good Samaritan to someone that could really use some joy into there life.

The Dollar Menu

There was a story out here about a local McDonald's that stopped selling the $1 menu. People are upset because it means that the homeless people can't go in and buy something for a dollar. For a split second I got that “so what?” thoughts, then I began to think about it.
Now the owner of the place had sent a note explaining why, and they had a very good reason. The more that I thought about it, the more that I want to applaud McDonald's for even making that offer in most of it's stores. Yeah I have been in some of the stores where there was homeless people, but I realized that with these menus they are able to get food into there bodies. Oh I am sure that some will say that it's not Healthy Food, but when I go into the Health Food Stores, the prices are so high that I am sure that many of the people who are living a homeless lifestyle can't afford the food that they these places sell. These people are Hungry, and I really don't think that they care to much about the healthiness of the food.
I had gone into a McDonald's not to long ago, and someone asked me to buy them a hamburger. I said no (even though I could of,) but I now realize how wrong I was. I realize now what I must do, and that is if I have the money to buy someone a hamburger, I am not going to buy them a hamburger, but a Big Mac.
This has gotten me to think about a guy that I see in my neighborhood from time to time. He kind of looks like the character “Uncle Tom”. and I would guess that he is in his early 60s. When I first moved into the area, he would ask for a quarter. The first few times that he did it, I said no, but I watched him from time to time when I would be down where he hangs around, and I realized that he is a very nice guy who had come upon hard times and I can only pray that he comes into a much better one. From then on when he would ask it would really depend on if I had it or if I was in a rush, and even in a rush at times I would stop and give it to him. Other times he would ask, and I would be trying to get to the store, but on my way back I would pull out some change and give it to him even if he didn't ask.
One of the last times that I saw him, he was sitting in his usual spot, and I reached into my pocket and pulled out a dollar in change. As I walked closer to him, he asked for a quarter, and I put the money into his hand.. He hadn't looked at how much I had given him, but he said “Thank You”, which he usually does even if I give him only a time. The next day I was headed to the supermarket, and I hear someone yelling from across the street. I turn and looked, and it was him saying “Thank You” again with a big smile on his face. I haven't seen him since.
Now I could write about other homeless people that I know, and the good things that I have seen them do, but I want to ask for you to do something, that being to stop and give some of the homeless people something to eat, or even a coin from time to time. Imagine if you were in that position and it was you who needed help. Yeah some of them will use the money to buy drugs or alcohol, but I am sure that you see some of these people regularly who could use your help. I remember hearing actress Lorielle New mention giving I think an old blanket that she had to someone in her neighborhood. Who knows, her just doing that simple act may have kept that person from freezing to death that night.
I was talking with a friend yesterday and the election for Governor came up. One of the candidates as spend over $100 million to win the race, while the other may have spent $15 million. My friend said that she would be more likely to vote of her if she had taken some of that money and given it to schools or put it into other things. Just imagine the impact that could be had if she had take 1/3 of that money and invested it into scholarships for students who could only maintain a C average because of the circumstances that surrounded them? How many of them could of gotten a university degree and done stuff to help improve things in crime ridden areas? or found cures for illnesses? or even thought high enough of themselves to position themselves so that they aren't homeless and asking you for a quarter as you walk down the street?

Next time that you go to McDonald's and someone ask you to buy them a hamburger, if you have a dollar, buy them something off of the Dollar menu if you can, as it will make a difference.

The Lord’s Prayer

The Lord's Prayer

I cannot say "Our" if my religion has no room for others and their needs.

I cannot say "Father" if I do not demonstrate this relationship in my daily life.

I cannot say "Who Art In Heaven" if all my interests and pursuits are in earthly things.

I cannot say "Hallowed Be Thy Name" if I, who am called by his name, am not holy.

I cannot say "Thy Kingdom Come" if I am unwilling to give up my own sovereignty and accept the righteous reign of God.

I cannot say "Thy Will Be Done" if I am unwilling or resentful of having it in my life.

I cannot say "On Earth As It Is In Heaven" unless I am truly ready to give myself to his service here and now.

I cannot say "Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread" without expending honest effort for it or by ignoring the genuine needs of my fellowmen.

I cannot say "Forgive Us Our Trespasses As We Forgive Those Who Trespass Against Us" if I can't ask for forgiveness from my fellowmen whom I have wronged.

I cannot say "Lead Us Not Into Temptation" if I deliberately choose to remain in a situation where I am likely to be tempted.

I cannot say "Deliver Us From Evil" if I am not prepared to fight in the spiritual realm with the weapon of prayer.

I cannot say "Thine Is The Kingdom" if I do not give the King the disciplined obedience of a loyal subject.

I cannot say "Thine Is The Power" if I fear what my neighbors and friends may say or do.

I cannot say "Thine Is The Glory" if I am seeking my own glory first.

I cannot say "Forever" if I am too anxious about each day's affairs.

I cannot say "Amen" unless I honestly say, "cost what it may, this is my prayer".

Faith and Action

“Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead” (James 2:17; NIV)

I came upon the above Bible quote on Twitter, and it got me thinking about the church and an activity that I have been involved in with over the last few months.

I am in a congregation that is really dead, and the diocese needs to force to convert into a mission. Week after week Faith is talked about, but when it comes to action it really fails, which is sad. I find a number of times the clergy person doesn't practice what is preached. Tells on one thing, than does the complete opposite. The Clergy person does not support those who wish to do something, unless it is something that benefits him, but let me get to talking about Faith and Action.

I think that Faith is something that is easy for anyone to have, and in reality we all have Faith. Think about it, I am sure that you can't think of a single person in the world who has Faith in one way or another. Really, think about it. We get into a car or plane to go somewhere, and we have Faith that we will arrive to our destination safely. We put food into our mouth to eat, and we have faith that it will not kill us. We have Faith in so many many things, so to say that we don't have Faith is something that we really can't say.

But Faith without action in many things is truly dead. In this diocese we have a thing that we call Area Ministry. Now trying to really describe what Area Ministry is is difficult, as if you were to ask 10 people what it is, they will all tell you different things for the most part. But yet it works in a way that everyone does it and doesn't really realize it. It's not just a Christian thing to do, it's a human thing to do.

Several years ago when Area Ministry was first brought out to the people, someone from another congregation here contacted me and invited me to a series of events that her parish was doing, and they wanted it to be the beginning of the two congregations doing Area Ministry together. Now in the congregation I am in, the words Area Ministry had not been mentioned at all, but I was aware of it in the diocese. During the announcements the following Sunday, I stood before the people and spoke about what had been asked of me and extended the invitation. Well, the only person to go was myself. An idea was brought up in that all of the vestries of the congregations in Oakland should get together. About 7 months later, after I had mentioned what had been brought up the pastor of my congregation used the words “Area Ministry” to the congregation. Finally, after all of this time he bothered to mention it. It was desided to get the vestries together. All fo the vestries did, and Area Ministry was the topic, and it was decided that it was something that we were going to do. Sadly after 4 or 5 meetings, things fell apart. The Faith was there to do it, but there was no Action.

About two months ago I got an e-mail from a friend of mine at another congregation asking me if I would be interested in joining with some other people from different congregations in getting involved in doing some work within the community. After watching what had happened with the Area Ministry, I had my doubts about it working, but something in my told me to have Faith as Actions would occur.

About 8 of us gathered and spent some time talking. We spoke about the different ministires that each of our congregations were doing, and the indivisual ministries that we were doing. The something happened, and we came up with Actions. Not only had we decided upon things that we were going to do and get involved with, but a commitment to action had occurred.

Not only had the commitment to actions occurred, but things have actually taken place, with the one that most people in the congregations knowing about lunches being made and passed out to the Day Workers in an area here in Oakland. It's not only lunches, but the rector of St. Paul's has written notes that were included, but things like sock and hand santizers were also.

It's amazing the things that occur when we put our faith into action. I remember listening to someone who is now a Deacon in the church talk about a jail ministry he was involved in. He talked about it's beginnings and the stuggle, then he told a story which was just amazing. Him and others would go to the city jail several times a month with tape recorders, children's books and envelopes. They would sit with women who are parents of small children and the parent would read the story into the story. The book and the tape would be put into an envelope and tehn sent to the child. There was a woman who would never come into the room, but would watch. After watching a few times, she came in and did one. Nobody had bothered to come and visit her, as it was a cultural thing in her culture not to visit even ones family who was in jail, but she finally went about the action of doing one. Her child got the package, and the family sat together and listened to it. it became a thing to do whenever one would arrive, where the family would have dinner together and then sit and listen to the tape. Because of the actions that had occurred, the family came and visited her.

I was watching a video on YouTube called “Shopping While Black”. One of the things that I have expereinced is being followed in stores and even told what I do and do not like. This has happened in all size stores. One of the things that was interesting was it was done by a news program. The managed to find a store that was willing to permit an experiment to occur. A Black woman went into the store and a store clerk (an actress) treated her real bad because of her color. The experiment was to see what would happen when it came to the other shoppers. It was amazing how the other shoppers failed to step into action to defend this woman who hadn't done anything wrong. we all talk about the things that we would do in a situation, but it is interesting in that we don't step into action in reality.

I also think about a woman that I am a fan of named Lorielle New. Lorielle does a live webcam show Monday through Fridays. It appears that many of the people who come to her show are guys who lust after her. Me, Yes she is a beautiful lady, but that isn't why I come to her show. Lorielle is a woman who has dreamed of having success in Hollywood. Now I am not sure at what level success she desires (A-List, Tome Cruise level,) or being someone who does a starring role from time to time, but wants to be known as a great character actor. Lorielle did some acting in another state, then took a Leap of Faith and moved to Hollywood, Ca. Of what I know of the industry, many people go there seeking fame and fortune, but never really do the actions that it takes. Lorielle is one of those who not only has taken that Leep of Faith, but she has gone into Action in that she really hasn't relied on just agents to get her auditions, but has done the work to get them. Her success hasn't been that great in the level she has reached, but she goes out and seeks work. I haven't asked her (if I ever remember, one of these days I will,) but I don't think that he has had to do a “civilian” job since she has gotten there. I hear of others who are waiters, secretaries, and so forth, but Lorielle has managed to get enough work to be able to pay her bills, etc. She has starred in a film, done tv, done movies, done music videos, and other things, but most importantly she has not only had the Faith it takes to survive, has is doing the Actions that it take to survive.

If you look at the life of Jesus and the things that he did, you will realize that he was a person of action. He could of easily just sat around and let people die or remain unhealed of things, but he didn't. I really wonder what Jesus is thinking now about the people who claim to have Faith in him? Is Jesus upset that we fail to act in many ways towards the injustices that are done in this world? Think about your won actions. What calls to actions have you and do you ignor? Could your congregation be getting grants towards improvements and programs because you fail to move into action at getting them? In what other areas of your life could your actions useful?

To the person who asked me if my Pastor has ever apologized to me when he failed to give me the credit due me for work that I did? I'm still waiting for him to apologize. he has given me a number of excuses, but saying the words “I'm Sorry, what I did was wrong” has never coem out of his mouth. I fins it sad, as he appears to be able to apologize for anything that he has done wrong. As things go on and I look back, when it comes to me he has major problems. I sometimes wonder how he will answer to God when asked why he has been so inable to do the right and proper thing. He's going to have to answer to his actions. talking around the issue or trying to avoid it isn't going to work with God. At times I think about an episode of the show Red Dwarf where the characters had to justify their existence. The thing with it is that the person judging them was themselves. As I sit and watch only 2 or maybe 3 people sit in the pews on Sundays, I just shack my head knowing that what could be a great congregation doesn't exist because he has driven people who have tried to lead away from it. Do I think that he will ever apologize? Maybe one day he will, but I expect that he will also include a bunch of excuses with it. It's like I asked him a couple of months ago if we would be also buying copies of “Lift Every Voice and Sing II” at the same time that we get some new Spanish hymnal so that the Blacks in the congregation don't feel as though we are being put into the back of the bus again. He responded with we would have to raise money for it. Now I know that the raising of money for it will not happen, and he will get the vestry to buy only the Spanish hymnal, and if LEVIS II is brought up that he will have some excuse as why we shouldn't buy an equal number of it (or any at all,) at the same time. He still hasn't taken the time off that the Vestry said that he had to take over a year ago. It's sad to watch. But him saying an apology is something that I am sure will never happen, so I have put it into the hands of God, and will let God deal with him.

Forever in Christ

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Who Is Jesus To Me?

I find this question to be really interesting, and one that I feel most people really don't seriously think about. We have people who attend seminaries and other religious schools who will give you and academic answer to this question, but this isn't a question that any school can teach and give and answer to, as who Jesus is to each person is different. You see, the real answer to the question is what is in your heart, and since we all don't have the same heart, then the answer can not be exactly the same for everyone.

Now the church is very good at telling you who Jesus is and about the life that Jesus lead in his humanly form on this planet, but the church seems to fail at getting people to really look inside of themselves and see how they view Jesus. Oh yeah, there will be those within the church who will tell you how you should look upon and how you should have Jesus in your heart, but if one follows what they are told, are they really allowing their heart and soul to really know who Jesus is, or is their faith and God really of the person that is telling them how to think?

I was in a conversation in a MySpace group a few years ago. now I look up on my views and life as being more of a Moderate than being either Conservative or Liberal. The conversation was interesting, as both those on the conservative side and the liberal side were in agreement on the issue. Now the conservative side had been saying that the liberal side really weren't Christians mainly because of the views about hommosexuality. The liberal side keep pointing out stuff in the Bible concerning other laws in the Bible (mainly the Old Testiment by BOTH sides,) and that the conservative side wasn't following what was set down. Neither side would give up in the battle, then someone happen to mention a denomination. Both sides agreed that the people in that denomination were not Christians. I then asked a question that neither side was able to answer biblically. Where in the Bible does it say that people in certain denominations were Christians? I wanted them to point exactly to the verses. I found it funny that both sides started bringing up stuff that was not in the Bible, btu were things that Man, NOT GOD had said over the years. When I pointed out that I wanted Bible verses, they continued with the things supposed “Learned People” had said and written. I then had an say that I guess that they must be wrong in that they were unable to quote a single thing biblically to support their arguments. They were basing their arguments on Man, not on GOD.

And I find the same in many ways with what people have to say as to who Jesus is to them in their heart. But really, sit back and think about it. Why do you truly believe in your heart the way that you do? If you are a Christian, Jewish, Buddist, Islamist, or don't beieve in a higher being or not, why do you believe in your heart the way that you do? Why is YOUR Faith really YOUR Faith?

I find it funny when someone wants proof that God exist, and I ask them to prove that God doesn't exist, they tend to make some kind of remark, but the remark is one that doesn't even attempt to prove them being right. I had meet a very beautiful woman online that I really wanted to go out with at least once if I should of made made it to her area. We have a lot in common, really enjoyed talking with each other, but what our desire to do could not happen, as we had a God issue. She insisted that God didn't exist, and I was am (and am not) willing to give up my faith, as I know in my heart and soul that God does exist. I don't recall how we got into the issue, but one day we just got into a very short disagreement about the existance of God. When I said that I wanted her to prove that God didn't exist, she made a remark and we have not spoken since. Yeah I do miss my conversations on other things with her, but all that I can do is hope and pray that some day God touches her heart.

But back to the question. For me, Jesus is the one person in my life that I know really cares about me. Jesus isn't demanding anything from me, nor is he just wanting things from me. Jesus isn't like some of the people who have come into my life and act like vampires who just want me to do something for them. Jesus is the one person in my life who contacts me and asks me how I am doing.

People in this world get upset and complain to me that I never call them, and this is when I am the one who has called them. The funny thing is that they never call me, and when I have pointed this out, they change the subject.

Jesus comes to visit me. No I am not talking about coming to my place in a physical form, but Jesus stops by and visits me. I have lived in the same place for the last three years, and since I have moved in not a single person has ever come by to just visit,, but yet people will complain that I don't come by to see them. But Jesus comes by and checks out hwo I am. If I am not feeling well, Jesus is there.

Jesus is willing to listen to my ideas and hear what I have to say. I have gotten to the point with some people where I know that they aren't going to listen to me. Everything has to be about them. The funny thing with that is that those people who don't want to listen and want to make things about them is they think that they know all about me, but the truth is they really know nothing. They do their darndest to come across as an expert in many things, but the truth is they no nothing about anything.

Jesus is willing to apologize to me without excuses. I know someone now who has come up with excuse after excuse to me without ever saying the words “I'm sorry.” How this person can sit in a church week after week and ask God for forgiveness and to aplogize to God for the wrong that they have done is beyond me. I was taught that one sees God in there fellow human, so when I screw up, I say apologize. During service yesterday I screwed up as I had misread soemthing, and it effected the congregation. I apologized, and when someone else tried to blaim it on something else, I again apologized to the congregation and said that the fault was mine and mine alone.

Jesus died for my sins, and if he hadn't who knows what I would be like now. I want to again thank Jesus for dying for my sins, and continuing to be punished for my sins now. Yes most of the time I try my best to lead a sin free life, but I screw up.

Jesus is my best friend and has nothing but love for me. People say that parents have unconditional love for there kids, but think about it really. How often have you heard or even said that you would do something for your (or any) child as long as they do something. You have now put a condition upon actions, whereas in unconditional love actions aren't needed except by you.

Jesus is my guide. I am one of the sheep of Jesus who he is leading through an area where there are things that could kill me, kidnap me, or do me harm. Yes at times I do go off of the path and he leads me back, but he is my guide.

Oh I could go on and on about who Jesus is to me, but I want for you to sit back and think about who Jesus is to you?

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Why do you believe?

 I still don't get it. I'm talking about people wanting me to become ordained as a Deacon or a Priest. In case you are really wondering, if God were to say to me I had no choice but to be one or the other, I would become a Deacon.

But still, very few people will say what they see in me to even bring it up. I was at the Ordinations in this diocese at the beginning of last month. Before the ordination service, the diocese held an event relating to Area Ministry. During lunch, I was sitting at a table talking with a dear friend, someone that I really think should be ordained. After lunch, I had gotten together with the other members of the Commission On Ministry as we lined up to head in for the ordinations. One of the people said, “I was at a table, and someone asked me who that priest was. I looked around and said that their were a number of them around, which one was she was talking about. She said the one sitting over there, and I looked around and asked again which one she was talking about. She pointed and said the one that is sitting at the table talking with the woman. I then realized that she was talking about you.”

OK, something is going on, but nobody will explain to me what it is that they see. I was at church one day, and one of the members said something to me and that I should become ordained. My pastor overheard the conversation, and got a huge smile on his face.When we had a conversation about 10 days later, after telling him what I have been experienced, I asked him what he saw in me. He talked about all of the other people, but when I brought it back to what he saw, he again avoided the question.

But there have been a couple of people who have answered the question whom I really respect for it, several of them are Deacons. But I really need to hear from others as to what they see in me.

Now to something else. I forgot to mention that the guppies that I had written about have all died. The final one to go was one of the orange ones. I realized that it was going to happen about a week earlier, as he would only lay on the bottom of the tank, and the only time he would swim around was when food was put into the tank.

I also ended up losing all of the fish in that tank a few months later, this included the fish that I had the longest, which was a catfish. I am at fault on this, as I had added to much salt into the water the night before when I went to top off the tank with water. When I arose the next day, I walked into the living room and looked into the tank. The catfish was laying on one of the plants like it would do at times, but I knew something was wrong. I grabbed a net and stuck it into the tank, and when I got close to it and it didn't dart off, I knew that it was dead. It was then that I realized that all of the other fish were dead also. I haven't gotten any new fish to replace them, as I am trying to figure out what I want to get, and even if I want to continue to have fish. I have been thinking about just cleaning out the water in the tank and getting a Beta. I'll figure it out one of these days.

Anyway, things are still the same at the congregation that I am in. My pastor has still not apologized to me as directed by the vestry. I am finding it funny, as I have let him know that I am still awaiting the apology, and he has given excuses. He has even given sermons relating to rewards and other stuff, but still he can't do something so simple as to say, “Clinton, I am sorry. I screwed up and what I did was wrong. I apologize.” I know that it is never going to happen, and I wonder how he will answer to the Holy Trinity if he should be asked about it.

I hope to get back to writing here more often. I have been busy with other things, and I have also gone back to writing poetry from time to time. I haven't been keepin up with much of what has been happening in the Anglican Communion, as I feel that I should be spending my time doing other things. I will do my best to write something in the next few weeks.

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Yes, you will get tears at the minimum

I went to a friends YouTube page this morning and found this video. If it doesn't bring tears to your eyes at a minimum, then you must not have a soul. You have been warned.

Cat gives a cardiac massage to his injured girlfriend

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What do they see in me?

 Ever since I was about 10 or 11, people have said to me that I should think about becoming either a priest or a deacon, and to this day I have never been able to figure out why. Now what is strange with this is that not many Black youth are told this. Just recently I was told by Deacons in this diocese that I should go to the School for Deacons and become a deacon. I just don't get what people see in me. Let me go back in time.

 My parents bought a house in another area of Philadelphia. We had continued to attend the same congregation, but for some reason unknown to me they decided that it was time to find a church that was closer to home. There were two congregations not to far away. We went to one congregation and my parents I discovered later really liked it. Then the next Sunday we went to the other one. During service some people came and got my sister and I and took us to Sunday School. While we were in our classes, they had us sign some stuff. Now being the age that I was, I really didn't have a clue as to what we were signing, but it turned out that we had signed up for Sunday School. We told our parents after church what we had filled out, and they said that they guess we are going to church here now. Now that I think about it, I have a feeling that they were upset at what had happened, but they didn't express it (thanks mom and dad.) 

 I had noticed two clergy people at the church during service, and as far as I knew they were both priest, as I don't recall ever hearing the term Deacon before. As we were sitting there one Sunday, my father leaned over and for some reason explained that one was the priest and the other a Deacon. He then explained the two roles to me, and said that I should think about becoming one and that I should strongly consider the role of a Deacon. I think that at this point I had wanted to become a cop like one of my grandfathers was, but never a clergy person. I thought about it for a while, but because I really didn't understand the role of the Deacon, I put it out of my head.

 On the day that I was confirmed, after service and some prodding from my parents, I walked up to the Bishop and asked him to sign the Bible that my parents had bought me as a gift (I still have that Bible to this day.) We spoke for a minute, then he said that I should think about becoming a Deacon. I was 12 or 13 at that point, and wasn't quite sure what I wanted to be, but I told him that I would think about it.

 Again and again I thought about the two roles as people kept saying that I should become a member of the clergy, but I just didn't get it. I wasn't feeling the need or desire to become one. When I moved to California, I heard it again at the congregation that I attended, but I came up with an excuse that brought me to an understanding that I had no interest. The Bishop's Committee choose the Deanery reps, and I was asked to be one. I said OK, and when I went to my first meeting and then the convention of the diocese I knew that even though becoming a member of the clergy would be something that I wouldn't be doing. Politics killed the thought of becoming a member of the clergy. I watched the politics that were going on, and I knew that I had no desire to be apart of it. I went back and stayed within the confines of my congregation.

 Years went by, and people kept bringing up me becoming a clergy person over and over.  Yes I have thought about it over and over, but I really didn't understand the role of the deacon. When I became a member of the Commission on Ministry, I gained a great understanding of the role. The more that I have learned and thought about it, the more that I think back on the first mention of it by my father. I wonder if someone had really explained the role of the Deacon in my teen years, would it of made a difference in my goals in life? Would I be ordained a deacon now? Oh there is no way for me to go back in time and have that happen, but I wonder.

 Over the last few years the call for me to take on that role has been pushed on me more and more it seems. I sit and I wonder about it, “Should I do it, or should I not?”, “What difference would it make to me to become one?”, “Why should I even think about wearing a collar, and how would it help me in spreading the Gospel to the world?” So many questions, with so few answers. 

 I know that the one thing that this diocese needs more than priest are Deacons. We have such an overflow of priest that each congregation could have 3 of them, and we would still have extras around. But this, like many other diocese in the Episcopal Church have a large shortage of deacons. I wonder if I should become one and talk with teenagers about thinking of it as a career choice to do even though they will need to have a secular job? 

 I don't see myself as a Deacon or a priest, but I wonder what it is that people keep seeing in me to think that I should? Oh if I were to follow that path, it will be because it is what the people desire, and I will truly be raised by the community to that role, but why does the community of the diocese wish to see me in that role is something that I wonder. What talents and skills does the community see in me that will be a benefit to the world?

 I remember being at ordinations a few years ago, and  ArchDeacon Anthony Turney gave the sermon. He talked about the role of the deacon and a well known charity. He ended the sermon in a brilliant way, and it really related to what he talked about. he told the newly ordained deacons that they needed to got o Hell. I wonder if I am really to do that in order to help spread the Good News of the Holy Trinity? But I also wonder if you are willing to go there with me? I love being on the Commission on Ministry, but I wonder if me being on it was God's way of telling me to think about my path and what God wants me to do?

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