The Struggles of the Church - Part I

 I am hoping that there is something that will happen to change things, but I fear that it will not happen. Yeah it is the congregation that I am in. I have tried over and over again to get things going there, but I have given up for the most part. My pastor has begun to try, but I think that he will give up by the summer. I still think that there is hope for the place, but not much hope for it with most of the people within the walls of it currently. Changes need to be made, and with those changes it means a lose of many of the people there. 

 The congregation basically has 6 real lay leaders, and only one of them serves on the vestry at this time. The thing is with this person, if the diocese were to ask me to bring the leaders of the congregation over for a meeting, he wouldn't be one of them, and I think that maybe two of the others might come. But this congregation is like so many others, where it is just really a few people who actually do the work. I have someone hoped that with Area Ministry that it would get others to step of to the plate, but I don't think that it will happen much. 

 What is really sad is how little people really want to do anything at this congregation. The vestry will put committees together, and they don't meet, or will start off with a bang and then die very quickly. Trying to get people together to do even the simplest of things is difficult. When I first started going there, on the first Sunday of the month people would bring food for the Food Pantry, but that faded away. I tried to bring that back, and it worked for a couple of months, then it stopped. We do a monthly Movie Night, where a member of the congregation will bring in a movie on the second Saturday of the month and will also bring some snacks. The idea was to invite the neighbors to come in hopes that a few of them might be interested in wanting to know more about the church and become members. Just a couple of us put notices out to the people of the area, and even got it into the local neighborhood paper. Only one neighbor ever came. Part of the problem was that there was more of a push to have movies that had Spanish subtitles, than to get the people of the area through the door. Sure it is nice to have people from the congregation to show up, but it wasn't helping the church grow. One other thing is that when people sign up, they also put what movie they are going to show so that can be advertised not only within the neighborhood, but also places like Craigslist. 

 But as hard as others and I try to bring life into the place, and get people involved, excuse after excuse is given as to why the different ideas can't be done. Now imagine if the followers during the time of Jesus keep doing that. Do you really think that Christianity would have survived? It's time for people to get off of there butt and actually do something.

 This in a way is not just about the congregation that I am in, but the Episcopal Church, the Lutheran Church, the Catholic Church and the many others that are dying. Oh people are talking about there members dying and moving away, but what is being done to get others to fill in those empty seats? It would seem to me that with people moving, that growth for some parishes would be happening, but I don't hear about that, only that congregations are dying. I know of a congregation that at had a large number of people in the pews for the two services that they had on Sundays, but now they are down to one service and only have maybe 25 people for it. This is sad.

 But yet I do see hope for many of the congregations if they really want to survive. One of the first things that I think needs to be done is to have people from the office have a conversation with the lay leader of these places to see if they really see any true and honest hope of the congregation's survival. The diocese needs to also have suggestions on things that these congregations could do. They also must talk about the effect of actually closing or merging congregations. Think about it. Maybe two struggling congregations could merge into one under new clergy leadership. and even though they might start off small, with more lay leadership involved, they could become vital places with life in them. Why have say 80 congregations with say ½ of them dying, when you could have 60 congregations with life in them that are spreading greatness of our Lord and Saviour?

 But I will admit that I do see congregations in the Episcopal Diocese that I live in where I truly believe that the Holy Trinity will bring life back into. There are three congregations that come to mind. St. Cyprian's in San Francisco. From what I understand, they are down to only 25 people coming each Sunday. I know their vicar, The Rev. Will Scott. This is a congregation that I would love to see leaders from other congregations attend and become a member of. With the leaders at the church, others coming in, and Area Ministry, this could become the congregation that it once was, that being one with Life in it. 

 Another congregation is the one that I joined when I first moved to California. It was a vibrant congregation then, but after I left it declined to a sad state. From what I understand, St. Cuthbert's is actually beginning to do well. But the thing that I believe will help it in it's growth is if some of its members get involved in other things in the diocese. I believe that they have the ability to become the faster growing congregation in the diocese and in the Episcopal Church as a whole. It's just missing that certain something to get it there. Even though I am not a fan of the vicar, I think that if the members were to actually listen to her and work with her, along with support from the diocese, they will grow.

 The last congregation is St. Paul's here in Oakland. Now they are actually doing OK, but I believe that they are about to become another one of those that will grow in huge ways. This is a case where the rector is so dynamic, they will come just for him, but the problem is that the church won't know what to do with the people beyond having them come on Sundays.

 Oh I know that there are a ton of more congregations that I could add, like Grace Epiphany in Philadelphia and others, but those were the ones that come to mind as I think about it. 

 Another congregation that just jumped into my mind what I pray will be busting at the seems one day is St. Clare's, located in Pleasanton. Rev. Ron Culmer is the Rector and a really super guy. I think that with his leadership, and if the people work with him, that church will be one of those where you will need to get there 20 minutes before any service if you want to get a seat.

 One more is St. Augustine's here in Oakland. It seems to be that they have the right mixture of stuff, from a great Rector in Rev. Monrelle Williams, to people who are active at many levels not only at different levels within the congregation, but in the diocese as well, but something just isn't working right. Oh they have bugged me to join leave where I am and join them, but for me my heart wouldn't be in that place. Oh I do go there for services, and I do love the people, but I kind of like the underdog church that others forget exist. 

 Anyways, let me end this here, as I am sure that their are plenty of other things that you could be doing besides reading what I write. I promise that I will continue on with my thoughts int eh near future.

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Just a LITTLE Respect is all that I ask for...

 I find it amazing how little respect I get from my own pastor. I think that if it wasn't for others in this diocese, like my Bishop, I would no longer be in the Episcopal Church, or I would at least be at another congregation. Every Sunday I sit in a congregation that is dead, and nobody seems to want to do anything able bringing life back to it. The place is full of excuses on why it can't do anything, and leading the pack is the pastor. Now I don't want for him to be removed any time soon, as he does do some good things, but I already see him taking full credit on something that if it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be involved in. Let me go back in time.

 I grew up in a family who was involved in the church, regardless of whatever congregation we were in. My mother was involved with the Altar Guild and other things. My father was the Sr. Warden and involved with a number of other things, and even my sister got involved. I did my best not to get involved, but I found myself involved with a number of activities.

 When I moved to the west coast, I didn't attend an Episcopal service for a few months, but one Sunday I awoke and had to attend a service. With the help of someone, I found one of the local congregations and attended. I walked into it and knew that I was back home. After the service, I spoke with the vicar and he was excited to have me there and of the things that I had done in the church. Before I knew it, I was involved.

 Some changed occurred at the church, and I had moved to another part of the city. I went to the congregation that was closest to me, mainly to see what they were up to, and before I knew it, I was a member there. I tried to remain in the background, but before I knew it I was involved with different thing. After a few years, I managed to get it so that I was mainly doing what I had wanted to do ever since I was a child, and that was to just sit in the pews. After a few years, I found myself back active again, but this time it was much deeper. Now let me speed up.

 The Vestry put together a committee to work on the rental of the campus in different areas. After not meeting for several months, I took it upon myself to rewrite all of the rules, and came up with several pricing items. I brought this to the committee (who still hadn't met,) and they looked over it. It was then brought to the vestry, who passed it. It was then said that the committee should be given a hand. As the applause was going, someone mentioned to my pastor that I should be given the credit. He then said "That doesn't matter". When I brought up what had happened in order to protect the church in case something should happen, and after a discussion, the vestry voted that I was owed and apology. After the meeting, my pastor walked up to me and said,"I thought that you were on the committee," then turned around and walked away. I still haven't heard an apology.

 I was asked by the diocese to be apart of a group to put together a strategic plan for multicutural and multiethnic ministry. At the first meeting we talked about many things, one of which was to take a look at other plans that had been put together. They thought that my pastor could get one of them and that he could present it to the group several months down the line. When he came to the meeting that we wanted to talk to him about the plan, he came without the plan. He got involved through the rest of the process. The Sunday after the Diosean Convention passed what was created, he took full credit for his involvement and how great he was on this, but didn't mention that I was involved even though I was sitting in the church. A few years later, we had an Assistant Bishop come to visit. Part of his job was to be the head of the MultiCultural & Ethnic Ministries. He, my pastor and I were standing in the altar area, when he brought it up and that he had questions about it. I said that he had two of the people standing with him that had worked on it. My pastor then said that I had very little to do with it, and that it was mainly his work. I just walked away.

 I asked that "Lift Every Voice and Sing" be sung during Black History Month. He told me that it didn't fit with the liturgy. I asked the next year and was told that we sing other Black songs throughout the year, so no reason to sing it. I have found it funny when I have gone into other congregations (even Euro congregations,) they sung it during the month. Funny, when I changed the last hymn of the service last February to it, people walked up to me afterwards saying that we should have been singing it each week during February. 

 Not to long ago, I passed him a note asking that we do the "Stations of the Cross" during Lent. Now we had been doing it the last couple of years, as I have found some interesting versions. Now I had to get through his "Oh, that's a Spanish thing" several years ago when I brought the idea up. I also explained that it is something that I do for my Personal Spiritual growth, and even if I did it by myself, it would help me in my growth. We this time he wrote back that we should do this bilingual. I said that I will explain why we shouldn't on the way back. on the way back, I explained why I did the Stations, and he kept insisting that we do it bilingually. In other words, what he was saying to me was that he didn't care about my Spirituality. 

 The diocese runs a program called Nightwatch. He got mad that he wasn't invited to be apart of the planning team. He came and brought some of the youth the first year. I know that he was hoping that it was such a problem that he could jump in so he could claim that he saved the day. The kids loved the program, and the program went off well. As a result, the youth group at the church began meeting again. I asked the youth what they wanted to do, and I even showed them a list of events that the diocese had for youth. He didn't like it, so he ignored what the youth wanted and made up his own things to do with them. After a bit of time, the youth group fell apart. It was sad to watch, as at one point he all but told the youth that they weren't permitted to talk with me about things that they wanted to do. Because of things with the Assistant Bishop, people involved in the group he wanted me to have people involved with the planning. My pastor proceeded to say to be after the meeting that we should take the event away from the others that I was working with over. Now that we are working at putting the next Nightwatch together, he has lied to me about how someone else (one of his friends) got involved. People have told me that the two of them want to try to relive there supposed glory days of youth work, and now I know that they are going to attempt to drive out all of the people involved who won't do things the way that they want away from future Nightwatches, and will try to do the same with the other youth events. They won't listen, and sadly the youth stuff for the diocese will vanish. I already know what will happen after the event is over. He will stand before people and claim all of the credit for the event for himself and his friend. If I try to say anything, he will do his best to minimize my involvement.

 Time and time again he has shown no respect to me and others. The vestry said that he had to take three consecutive weeks off between January 2009 and September 2009. He thought that he could come back with a list of times that he will be away during the week over months ahead, and I am sure that he was mad when it was mentioned that he also needed to take three consecutive weeks off. When it came to the September Vestry meeting, he still hadn't taken the time off, and when we tried to work with him as to when, nothing but excuses as to why he couldn't. I resigned from the vestry after that meeting. I wrote out why I resigned, and from what I have been told he minimized what I wrote as to why I resigned to the Spanish speakers on the vestry. He doesn't want them to know the truth.

 When one tries to bring up Stewardship and giving of monies to the church to, he gives a sermon about Stewardship having nothing to do with money. His response to me when I said "Joyous Kwanzaa" to him during the Peace was "Oh That", then walking away. Telling the congregation that Black History wasn't important. He has done so much stuff and taken credit for works of others that I am now finding it funny. The Diocese has come up with a great idea and is calling it Area Ministry. He has found a ton of reasons as to why it shouldn't be called that among the Oakland congregations, but Shared Ministry. I get the feeling that if it is successful under that name his will claim all of the credit for it with tons of excuses as to why it isn't Area Ministry. 

 But I am glad that others in the diocese have said "Thank You" to me. It makes me realize that people do care. I have thought about leaving the congregation to join one that wants to survive, but I think that I need to sit back and watch the destruction of this congregation. I don't want to diocese to remove the pastor either, as I have said, he does do some great work. It's just a shame that he has driven a number of natural leaders away, not only from the congregation, but even from the Episcopal Church. I know that he has no respect for me, but all that I can do is pray that I get my reward in Heaven. I wonder how he will answer to the Holy Trinity for the things that he has done, not just to me, but to others?

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EMERGING FROM THE BLACK HOLE…..

A friend of mine named Gina wrote this, and I found this to be a very beautifully written peice. I just had to share this with you.

EMERGING FROM THE BLACK HOLE.....

By Gina AKA Dream Wizard

C ompletely wrapped in the blanket of misery and pain, finding yourself in the destruction of utter despair and disdain.  Fallen again, into the virtual reality of the bottomless pit, the devil's turf, here you now sit.   

The Grim Reaper has now come to your mind for a visit, playing musical chairs with your thoughts and emotions with intent to create chaos and commotion.  Your up is now down and your down, downer that not even the blue bill can stop the rock of inner destruction from rolling downhill.  As if the gravity of saneness has been culled from the ground.   Your world is now twisted, distorted and turned all around, as if the inner logical compass just spins all around.   All feelings of sense of self now stolen from the thief in the night who has replaced your saneness by indifference, self hate, no wisdom forthright. 

All friends good wishes just chatter and noise creeping to a full blown migraine of nonsense in a box of ill-fitted ploys.  Pandora's box of minds tyranny,  has now taken flight, like a winged bat on a mission soaring into the night.    The full moon has risen and has raised hell with your plight.  Your thoughts are of darkness and won't turn off with the light.  You are of ill fit of the mind and of all but distraught,  feeling bruised and all beat up yet it is only yourself,  that you fought. 

Deep down into the black hole of nothingness in a place called nowhere.  The stillness of nothing, absent of all, nothing good worth hearing, not even the sound of the cricket's call.  Closed out from the world, removed from it all. 

Alone, without comfort, from the deafening silence of BLACK,  only sleep can bear witness from the self-defeating thoughts which attack. 

Now, the time has come to scratch your way from a place of hell, a hole so deep, you no longer know just how deep you fell.  What toll must be paid, coming up from such hole, climbing up the walls of self-defeating dirt that has covered your soul.   Upward and onward you climb but the earth seems to crumble under your grasp, you fall from the ledge of ill thoughts from your past.

You grab onto the walls of dirt to lift yourself up but the sand slips from your clenched fingertips.   Push and climb, you dredge forward  two paces up only to  fall back down one, perhaps it would of been best, if hadn't begun.  

You remind yourself to think of a better future, a brighter day await, only to ponder such theory of who has taken such bait.  Hope you decide is better than none, so again you attempt the climb now as an Olympian with a prize to be won.   

You claw your way to the surface inch by inch from sheer determination and fortitude. A profound mental image etched in your newly found attitude.

Fiinally, after what seems like eternal damnation, you pull yourself out of the wretched black hole, feeling alive, you dust off your soul.  Your face now turned up to that glaring light, you quickly squint in pain and cover your eyes from that which is blinding bright.    As your pupils retract and you stand upright, your body adjust's to the brilliant light.....SUNSHINE.

Welcome Back.

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The Fish Tank, Part III

Ok, it has been a bit since I last updated about the fish, so hear is what is going on. one of the black ones died, which means that I am down to three, one of each color. Yellow and Orange seem to stick together most of the time, which the Black one joining in from time to time. I think that I am going to have to go down to the pet store where I bought these and take a look at what is going on in there tanks. As I think back on it, it seems as though the Orange and yellow ones stuck together in the tank, and the black ones stuck together much of the time. 

 I'm thinking about setting the other tank up and putting the Orange and Yellow one in there, then finding some females and breeding the black one. I happen to like his tail better.

 Welp, I guess that I should get back to writing about things in the communion again on this blog. I got a shock today about something that happened in this diocese, but I want to spend a few days thinking about it and other things before writing anything.

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SWB – Shopping While Black

 At times I find it funny when Whites have a problem believing that something like this really goes on when they are told that it is.

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Racism in A Fish Tank? Part II

 Things have been interesting over the last few days. One of the yellows and one of the oranges died. The Orange died first, and the lone orange tried hanging with both groups. He mainly ended up with the yellow ones. But it was still interesting, as the guppies still stuck together color wise. 

 I lost the yellow one yesterday. I couldn't find the body, then suddenly it popped up today. but things have been interesting in that one of the black ones has spent some time hanging with Yellow and Orange, but for the most part the Blacks are hanging together.

 I guess that I would have to get a number of different colored ones to see what happens, but I think that I will stick with the ones that I have now.

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Racism In A Fish Tank?

 A few weeks ago I decided that I wanted to get some pet fish. Now I have had pet fish for the last 7 years, but not to long ago I gave my two angel fish to a sweet lady that I had met as I had wanted to get rid of my fish and tanks. I had a couple of tanks here that each contained 1 fish. Finally I emptied one of the tanks and moved it lone occupant on tje larger tank with the other one. now I had a small catfish and a "Flying Fox" in the tank. Nothing really exciting, and the tank was mostly empty with two fish that didn't do anything.

 Now I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I sent a message to the woman that I had given the Angel Fish to, but she has been away and hadn't replied. Oh what to do.

 I was sitting and watching TV as I surfed, and decided that I would get some guppies. Guppies would be interesting, as that breed real fast, so that would mean that I wouldn't have to go back to the store to get more as they died off. But did I really want to do that? I know from time to time I like to get something different to look at, but did I want to just stick with guppies, and what would I do if the tank got over populated? I decided to do some research on the Internet. I noticed that some people kept only male guppies because they found them to more colorful than the females. I then remembered that PetsMart sold them by sex. I also remembered that they had different breeds of guppies, one of which is called a Delta Guppy. More research. I had pretty much made up my mind on Deltas, but then I came across a site that showed different tail types. I saw what I wanted.

 I went PetsMart and took a look. The Deltas were nice, but I fell in love with the Fancies. I saw a yellow one in the tank that was being picked on by some of the others in the tank. It was the only yellow one in the tank. I had the girl pick that one and I liked the black ones, so I got one of them. I brought them home and put them into the tank. About an hour later, the yellow one began to pick on the black one. I had to laugh. After some time they would swim friendly with each other.

 This morning I awoke and looked into the tank. I could find the yellow one, but not the black one. A few hours later I found the black one on the floor behind the tank dead. I was a little upset, but I had planned on buying some more today, so I figured that I would replace him with another black one. 

 When I got to the store, I decided that I would buy two black ones, two orange ones, and one yellow one. I came home with them and put them into the tank with the lone yellow. After a few minutes the lone yellow came over and joined the others, even giving them a tour of the tank.

 Not to long ago, the light for the tank turned off as scheduled. I noticed something that I found interesting. The fish were hanging together bases on color. The Black ones were together, the Yellow ones were together, and the Orange ones were together. Yes they were all close to each other, but they had paired off into there own section. When one would swim away some, so would the other, but never two colors. I got to thinking about them as I have watched them since the "tour" ended. They have been sticking together based on color. It makes me wonder if this is some kind of racism in the tank? Are fish in a way Racist? If this is true, it makes me wonder if racism is really something that is natural. I'm going to have to keep an eye on this over the next few days.

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Who is a minority?

 I was watching a short film today at the San Francisco Jewish Film Festival website. The name of the film is "Four Short Films about Love". It's a really interesting film dealing mainly about coming of age. It's a really good film that I think people should watch. But as I watched it, something was said during it that has me wondering, "Who is a minority?" 

 Being Black, I have heard all of my life that I am a minority in this country. I accept that fact, and embrace it. I have no problem with it because in this country Blacks are just a minority in the number of people.

 Over the last few years I have heard about other groups of people referring themselves that minorities outside of racial minorities. in some cases I wonder what really makes them a minority? I have heard women referred to as being a minority, but yet in reality women are a majority of people in this country. How can a majority be a minority? The LGBT community shouts that they are a minority? In the film, one of the girls says that she is a minority because she is Jewish. I've seen where some of the conservative Anglicans in this country say that they are a minority. I've heard and seen others say that they are a minority and that they are being oppressed because of it.

 Now I can understand it when it comes to those of us who are not White, but I am wondering if the term is being thrown around to easily? Should we come up with other terms when it comes to different groups? With the way that the term is used, who in this country can't say that they aren't a minority?

 Well, this is just some "food for thought" for you to think about.

 Here is the film. I hope that you enjoy it.

Four Short Films about Love

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Our MultiCultural and Ethnicity is showing

 First I must wish Bishop Marc and his family my prayers, as they lost their beloved dog after 14 years. When Bishop Marc and Sheila made their first visit to my congregation a few years ago, they couldn't stay as long as they might have wanted to stay, for their dog wasn't doing well. Since that time, I have asked about the dog, which I think that they liked. Sadly today when I went onto Facebook, Bishop Marc had posted that his beloved dog has passed. So please keep him and his family in your prayers.

 I had to go to DioHouse yesterday for a meeting with Bishop Steven. After the meeting I headed to the bathroom, and suddenly I noticed on the walls a bunch of photographs and quotes from People of Color on the walls. It brought tears to my eyes. After years of going into that place and seeing only pictures of White males on the walls, it made me realize that the Diocese of California really does care about ALL of its people. The exhibit is up for a little while, but my hope is that the moral that I am in stays up. I don't want it to stay up because I am in it, but because it will be a reminder and will show all that this is a diocese that cares for all of its people.

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Rethinking the Pyramid

 I often here the term "Top of the pyramid" when it comes to levels of where people in job positions are. The people at the top are the CEOs, Presidents, Owners, etc. in a company. These are the people with power. In the church it's the same way. We have placed the Presiding Bishop at the top of the pyramid and the laity at the bottom. 

 After some things over the last few months, I am beginning to think that this pyramid thought is wrong in the church. The top of the pyramid in the church is really the Laity. Some of this thinking is from getting to know some of the Deacons in this diocese and the role of a Deacon. I really wish that the world really got to understand the role of a Deacon and gave it the true respect that it deserves.

 Here is my thinking. Now I could be wrong, but hear me out. The bottom of the Pyramid is really the Presiding Bishop. The PB puts together a staff and plans that help Bishops do their job. like a house, the base/foundation helps to lift up the Bishops. Part of the role of a Bishop is to be one that is visible to the world, and the ones that are out in the world spreading the word are the Deacons.  Even though most people would think that it should be the Priest in that position of being lifted up by the Bishops, in many ways it is the Deacons that Bishops are lifting up. Now the Deacons are not only out in the world spreading the Good News, but they are also inside the church in some ways putting things together to help raise up the Priest do that they can do their job. Now much of the work that the Priest does is administrative and helping to support and raise the Laity. This puts the Laity at the top of the pyramid. 

 Now if you look at a pyramid, you can remove the levels below the Laity and the church will still survive, but if one removes the Laity from the pyramid (church) no longer exist. Think about it. As much as the claim is that only the other position can do certain things, do you really think that the Holy Trinity is going to get mad if a Layperson were to bless and administer the communion if it brings someone into a closer life with Christ? 

 Now I could be wrong, and actually like the fact that we do things in the matter that we do, but we really do need to rethink the pyramid as to who is on top. I am sure that their are people who will tell me how wrong I am in my thinking, but another way to look at it is that the Laity is the Keystone of the church. Without the keystone (Laity) of a stone arch (the church) could not exist.

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The Spirit is working in DioCal

 It's been a bit since I wrote anything here, but let me catch you up on a couple of things.

 Several years ago, Bishop Marc asked me to be a guest blogger on his blog. I had asked him what he would like for me to write on, and he said anything that I desired, and he mentioned some ideas. I took one of his suggestions and wrote a blog on Being Black in the Episcopal Church. It was received well, and even part of it was put onto the Episcopal Cafe. People from all over kept telling me how much they enjoyed it. One of the things that I had put into it was a call for DioCal to come up with something visible to let people know that we are a multiracial church.

 About 8 months ago people began telling me that they say my picture in DioHouse. I was shocked, but whenever I would have to drop by there for something, I never saw this picture. When I would be there I would look, and all that I ever saw were the white faces that we always on the walls. The other day I had to go to DioHouse for a meeting. I came in through the door on the Plaza level with someone, then came down the steps. As we reached the bottom of the steps, we stopped and talked with one of the other people who was going to be in this meeting. I turned and looked at the door that I should of come in, and noticed a moral. Their it was. There was the picture that people had been seeing of me. I was shocked. I walked over and looked. My diocese does really care for those of us of color.

 I had been seriously thinking about leaving the congregation that I am in. I have grown tired of almost being a Lone Ranger in getting things done, and trying to get the congregation to grow. I've been trying to get the congregation to try and make the place look better. I have tried to get stewardship going, but have no help from the clergy person who will talk about stewardship as being everything but giving money, and in fact has said that stewardship has nothing to do with stewardship, and has come up with tons of reasons for not having people make pledges to help the church continue. The congregations is full of excuses for not doing something.

 But I have changed my mind on leaving. Our Bishop and the diocese has come up with an idea called Area Ministry. Now what Area Ministry is varies depending on who you talk to. Now Area Ministry has never been spoken about in my congregation except for a couple of times. I am lucky enough to be on the Commission on Ministry in this diocese. I love it, as I have gotten to meet some wonderful people and it has helped me to grow spiritually.I love being on this commission.

 One of the things that Bishop Marc desires is for all of us to become deeply involved in our local Area Ministry. My problem is that nobody in Oakland is really doing anything to get the congregations to even talk with one another about this ministry. I've been thinking lately that maybe I should contact a few people in other congregations just to sit and have a talk about it.

 As part of being on the Commission on Ministry, we interview the people that the Bishop feels should be considered to become clergy people. This is called Vocations Day. Vocations day happened last weekend. We on the CoM are paired into teams of 4, and split into twos. Depending on how many people their are, depends on how many people we have to interview. At this past one, with one of the people that my team had to interview, I was really unsure. Yes I could vision this person wearing a clergy collar, but I really didn't see this person really doing anything beyond just being an Asst Priest at a congregation.

 I had been attending a Lenten Series at another congregation that dealt with Prayer. Even though this person was doing some work at this congregation, this person wasn't at this event. I understand as they have a distance to drive, and young children. I had written the team report on this person, and even though the others saw more in her, I was still having a problem. I went to the other congregation today because the last of the series was being done after the service. I enjoyed the series, and had someone cover me at my congregation with the music. 

 What I was unaware of was that this person was going to give the Homily today. They did an incredible job. I was just blown away. We talked afterwards, and I let them know what a great job they did. They were able to take an event in their life, the lessons, and the description of Area Ministry on the diocesan website and make it work in a way that made my mouth just drop open. I wish that we had some of ordaining this person last year, as I see great things in the future for her and Christianity.

Well, let me end this here. I hope and pray that the Holy Trinity Blesses and Guides you always.

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Negro?

 Well it has been a while since I wrote anything here, but I figured it was time after what happened today.

 The day before now President Obama was sworn into office, one of the neighbors in my building died. He was a great guy, and it was to bad that he didn't live another 36 hours. After his funeral, I went to the wake which was held at a building where a theater is that I used to go to all of the time. As I sat their with a couple of other people, and a woman came around passing out postcards of an upcoming play that she was going to be in at the theater. It looked interesting, so I decided that since it had been years since I had been to a play, that I would go.

 I got up and went to church this morning, and had a feeling during the Spanish service that it wasn't going to be a good day, because we only had about 12 people for that service. At the next service, I had a feeling that I really shouldn't go to this play, since the only people were me and the pastor. 

 I go home, watch some stuff on the Internet, then get changed. As I come out of my building, I see the bus just a few blocks away. Why didn't I just go back into the apartment. I jump on the bus, and the Translink machine isn't working. Luckily for me, the bus driver tells me not to worry and to have a seat.

 I arrived at the theater and bought a ticket. Still something in me told me not to.

 The play was about Harriet Tubman. I figured that it would be a good play to see, and had even thought about calling Divine Angel a call to see if her and her son would be interested in seeing it, but I hadn't talked to her in several years, and she was pretty pissed with me the last time that we even spoke. I'm glad that I didn't, as she would of beat the crap out of me afterwards.

 This play had to be the worse play that I have never seen in my life. I have seen school plays which were far better. By the time that it was over, I was wondering if I should refer to myself as being a Negro to avoid being associated racially with the people who put this play on. It was really sad.

 Now don't get me wrong, the play did have a couple of great actors in it, in fact the woman who played Harriet Tubman did a great job, and this was her very first play. The person who did the best played Frederick Douglas. But a couple of the people kept forgetting their lines, and it was obvious. The play was very disjointed and parts of it just shouldn't of been in it. One character was a white slave catcher, who had one seen that lasted maybe 3 minutes. He came on just before intermission, and I figured that he would be in the second part, but he wasn't. 

 I had started to leave during the intermission, but figured that I needed to be punished even further for my stupidity. The second half was better than the first, thanks to the guy who played Frederick Douglas. All that I know is that I think that it will be a while before I head off to see another play.

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Giving up on the Youth Group

 It is sad, the my diocese is holding and event this weekend for the youth of the diocese, and none of the youth from my congregation are coming. The thing is that it is something that they want to do, but because the pastor of the congregation isn't happy that things aren't going to be done his way when it comes to youth and Young Adults in the diocese, he is not going to try and get any of the youth from coming, and will most likely in fact do his best to stop them from coming. He has his mind so determined on how things should be, he is not willing to listen to others, or open his mind at other possibilities. 

 I am throwing up my hands and am going to stand back with the youth of the congregation. This person has no real desire to do things that the youth want to do, which is sad and why the youth group never really grew and in fact no longer has any kids. It's about him and the things that he wants for the kids to do, not about the youth. For him it is more important to rely on what people who have pieces of paper say that youth should be doing than to listen to the youth want to do. 

 Nightwatch is a wonderful event, and I am hoping that several hundred youth from throughout not just the Episcopal Diocese, but from other denominations come for this wonderful event. I am hoping that the diocese takes advantage and gets these youth involved in other things.

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Going to fight a little longer

After writing my last views here on the congregation that I am in, I think that I'm going to try to stick it out a little longer, but I am seriously thinking about leaving. The congregation does have some good in it, which are hard to think of at the moment, but I am going to do my best to get people into it that will get it to live. But what I am not going to do is to be worn out by the congregation. I am going to stick with the stuff that I enjoy doing, but the members will have to go about doing their own thing in getting stuff done that they want do. I am no longer going to do their "dirty work".

I am also glad that I am involved committees and commission in the diocese, as I have really enjoyed meeting new people, getting to see the work of other congregations, and it keeps my following the right path of doing the work of the Holy Triune. It is just the congregation that I am in that is driving me crazy.

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The Death of a Congregation

 When I first moved to Oakland in 1980, I had no plans on attending church services at an Episcopal Church anymore. I had been raised in the Episcopal Church and felt it was time to try something new. I had seriously thought about joining the Quakers, as I had attended a Quaker school as a child, and I think that they are part of the reason that I have turned out the way that I am.

 After living here a few months, I woke up one Sunday and needed to go to an Episcopal service. I was living with an aunt at the time, and we looked in the Yellow Pages and found a couple of congregations that were close by. We went over to the first one, but something about it told me that I wouldn't like it, so we went to the other one. She dropped me off, and as soon as I walked through the doors I knew I was in the right church. 

 After a few years, I changed to the current congregation that I am in now. What I liked about it was that it was a Church Family that was welcoming to all regardless of sex, sexuality, age, color, etc. I had planned on only being involved in a couple of things (acolyte and the choir,) but was going to limit my activities. Before I knew it, I was involved with much more.

 I was elected to the vestry, and I enjoyed it. I have not only been just a Vestry Member, but have been elected the Jr. Warden and even the Sr. Warden. I currently serve as only a member of the Vestry. Over the last five years I have watched as the church has been dying. The sad part is that the congregation doesn't seem to want to do anything about it. I had brought up ideas and I keep hearing excuses as to why we can't do certain things. When we needed to get our roof redone, I brought up the idea of going after grants. I was told that churches can't get grants for that. When I went back to visit my father and was at his congregation (the same congregation that I grew up in,) he told me about them getting grants to replace their roof. I get back here and explain to the vestry about what happened with then, the vestry said that this is something that we must do. I sent an email to the person that said that they would contact my father's church to find out what information that they had. I sent it to them. Someone else said that they had a friend who wrote grants and they would contact them to find out if they would be willing to help. Months go by and no report as to progress. I finally ask at a vestry meeting, and was told that the person never got the email and the other person hadn't even bothered to contact their friend. I resend the e-mail twice in a reply to something that they had sent me. I know that they have never bothered to make the call. With the other one, they contacted their friend and the friend said that she didn't have the time. I asked if her friend would be willing to help someone (myself) via email, the person said that they would check, and to this day I have never heard an answer. So we end up having to go to the diocese and ask them for the money. The condition with the money is that if the current priest were to leave before we finished paying the money, or if we came back to the diocese to have a conversation about becoming a mission.

 I brought up the idea of having a monthly breakfast between services on the first Sunday of the month. Each month a person/group/family would prepare a meal and we would charge say $5. The host would have donated the expense, and the money would go to the church since we aren't bringing in enough in the plate to even pay the Gas & Electric bill. I was told how that wouldn't work, but someone had a microwave that we could raffle off. Still haven't seen the microwave or anything being raffled.

 The church has historic Stain Glass windows that could never be replaced. My bet is that they are worth three to five million dollars. In the windows of the chapel, they are beginning to fall apart. The faces on two of the windows have faded away. Most of them are beginning to collapse. One of the members of the congregation contacted 5 or 6 different places about getting them repaired. Each place came out to inspect them, and most of them sent estimates on cost. The person comes to a vestry meeting and talks about it, two months in a row. If you were to look at the Minutes of the Vestry, nothing appears about what was said. 

 Because of my involvement on an ethnic commission in the diocese, I was asked to be apart of a group that was drafting a strategic plan for multiculturalism and multi-ethnicity in the diocese. Someone from my congregation was asked to find a plan from another diocese. This person never got a copy of the other plan, but got involved in the group. The day after the plan was passed at convention, this person stood in front of the congregation and talk about what a great person he was for creating this plan and getting it through convention. The fact that I was apart of the group wasn't even mentioned. Just recently the Assisting Bishop came for a visit to the congregation. Prior to the service, he came over to my direction because of the music that I was playing. This same person came over and began talking. The plan came up, and I mentioned that the two of us were apart of creating the plan, then the other person said in effect that the plan wouldn't of come together without all of the work that he did and that I was only apart of the group. I walked away.

 About 5 years ago I committee was put together to come up with a pricing chart, rules and regulations, and a new form to be used. Nothing occurred as the committee never met. A couple of years ago another committee was put together to do the same thing. I wasn't on either committee. I proceeded on my own to put all of these things together, and presented them to the committee and the vestry. The committee met once, and my work went to the vestry who voted to pass it. Credit was then given to the committee for all of the hard work that they did. When it was mentioned that the credit should really be given to me, the reply was that it should be given to the committee, not to me. After a few months, I asked that the record be corrected and that I was upset about what had occurred. I was told how wrong I was for asking such a thing and that I shouldn't of gotten upset. After a bit of time, it was decided that an apology should be given to me. I still haven't gotten the apology.

 I brought forth the idea of doing a monthly Movie Night. The idea for this was to advertise it to the neighbors to get them to just come into the building, and hopefully we could get a couple of them to actually attend church there. I figured with the number of apartment building in the area, their had to be a few lacked Episcopalians/Anglicans, and maybe we could get a few to attend. I was hoping also that we could raise the number of English speakers since they are the ones who actually tithe in a recognizable way. After a few times of this event, people felt it was more important that we should show films that have Spanish subtitles than to try and grow the congregation. 

 I'm getting long with this, so let me tell you about today and why the blog (I hate that term) has the title that it does.

 At last months meeting of the vestry, I brought up the idea of putting a committee together for deal with the maintenance of the campus and other property. I suggested three names. Two of the people were sitting there and said that they would be on it, and someone else said that they would ask the third person. At todays meeting, the third person was their for a little bit. They still hadn't been asked. The person left and even though I and that person said that they hadn't been asked to be on it, neither the person who was suppose to ask or the other two bothered to ask. After the person left and I said something about blowing the chance to ask the person, excuses were given.

 Another issue came up and I said that this is something that I have brought up before with the vestry and that I was told how wrong I was with other excuses. I was then told that I had never done that before, and that excuses weren't given when I had brought it up.

 Later when am idea was brought forth about planning for the future, and voting on putting a committee together of three people to plan the way that we will do it, I will then told how wrong my idea was on just having three people, and that we should have two committees doing this. After a bit of back and forth, people wanted to no longer go with what they already voted to do, and the Jr. Warden then asked for a vote. He asked for the Yes Votes, but failed to ask for the No's and Abstains. I mention this, and they have a problem with it, but they go ahead and ask the questions. I and one other abstained.

 It was during the debate during the last thing where I finally decided that I had had enough. I realized that putting anymore effort into trying to get this place from just doing nothing but continue to die, to a place where it wants to live is not going to work. It is time for me to find a place that wants to live. A time to find a place that doesn't have a bunch of excuses as to why we can't do something, to a place that wants to do things to grow and Live. If the diocese were to ask me to stay where I am, I don't know if I could. Life is too short to stay in a place that is doing everything that it can to die, and wants to fight the ability to Live and Grow.

Time Tired.

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